This is what happens at my house when I leave the room for 5 min:
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
I don't know what my problem is of late but the whole cooking thing is not working out at all. It all started out a few days ago I thought I'd make a wonderful Indian dinner for my honey.
After slaving over a hot stove for hours (o.k it was those packets you put in boiling water but still) I decided to cook some poppadoms up . I put them in the microwave and of course the minute I did the screaming began. Lately any time I turn around its like a debate about the second amendment on Facebook. I ran to the kids room to untangle my sons hands from my daughter's throat when a thick black smoke began to fill the apartment. I ran to the kitchen where I found the poppadoms were not only burned but were black.
My daughter turned to me and asked "Is that dinner" I nodded opening the windows to air out my fragrant meal and then she asked me with all sincerity, "is this my punishment?"
I'm not really sure what she's being punished about but if she has to eat those papadums it must have been pretty awful.
You know cooking and I are not friends. However every once and while I get inspired and I do a big pot of chili or stew enough for about 4 meals and freeze it. The problem is I never label anything and serving up a big plate of "Umm Brown Stuff" does not seem to please the masses. So now I just call everything "chili".
So last night I thawed one of the frozen unnamed brown things and discovered it was a far cry from chili . It was cholent! I don't know if you've ever tried cholent but its this type of yucky stew Jews serve up on the Sabbath .
A few months ago my son really wanted to make it and as my Unlce Frank has a good recipe I decided to make it with him. After working on this thing for over four hours it ended up looking like this:
Yes it has eggs in the shell in it. It's supposed to. However
one of them burst so it had little pieces of egg shell all through it.
I thought I had gotten rid of it all the disastrous cholent. I swear I threw it out but that cholent is a survivor and there it was in all its glory all thawed out and in the pot.
So being the great mom I am I threw some hot sauce on it and called it chili.
And they ate it...at least it wasn't the poppadoms
Posted by Suzie at 12:54 PM
Friday, February 8, 2013
I don't want to be overly dramatic here but its finally happened I have reached my Mommy breaking point.
After breaking up the 60th fight of the morning, dressing both kids and turning around and finding them completely nude, wrestling with my daughter to get some medicine in her only to have her spit it back out over my shirt, I have reached the end. I quit!
I announced it this morning and both kids looked at me with their mouths hanging open, "Yes you heard me I quit find a new mommy!"
At first they kind of laughed, then when they saw I want smiling they got a little freaked out.
I then announced it to my husband and told him he needed to find a new mommy cause I was done.
I got on my coat and my hubby looked at me with horror in his eyes. "Not really right?"
"Really" I'm done. "Maybe he should think about posting an add on e-bay cause I quit!"
Posted by Suzie at 12:18 PM
Friday, February 1, 2013
I love NYC isn't that what all the tee-shirts say? Well I gotta say I just don't! Its dirty, expensive the people are mean and there always seem to be some kind of a disaster. Hurricanes, terrorist attacks, the day the whole city smelled like maple syrup (which you know was some strange terrorist attack created by Jenny Craig or Weight Watchers to give us all a diet crisis.) just to name a few.
Now I know a water main break is not a disaster but its sure is icky.
Yes today we have a water main. Water pouring in the streets but none in the taps. The news keeps harping on subway troubles but come on really no water how yucky!
Any NYC disaster brings out all the crazies. When I went to lunch 20 min ago people were camped out on the sidewalks with gallons of water drinking it like they had just run a marathon. People were asking strangers where the water went and would it ever come back again. Some very tall crazy man wearing a tiara and child sized purple rain coat with Dora on it was walking down the street yelling "Prepare yourselves for the end of days there is no drinking water in the city! The lord will take us all!!"
And speaking of lunch I didn't bring my lunch today so since there's no water how is everyone washing their hands? And I work in a daycare so think about all the diaper changes done each day with no water to clean up butts or hands ick!
And while I'm eating my contaminated sandwich I now remember that everyone uses my keyboard. I'm as always I'm eating and typing oh ick ick ick. I'm probably getting some illness that will cause my fingernails to turn blue and fall off and my eyes to turn into gooing orbs of fire.
And don't get me started on the whole toilet thing cause in just a few hours it will no longer be known as the big apple but as the stink apple or the apple filled with unflushable poo.
I love NYC? Not really, not today, sorry. Yuck
Posted by Suzie at 1:26 PM