Tuesday, June 18, 2013

The Nigeria Project

Today was the final day for my son's third grade Nigeria project. The project that was supposed to be and I quote, "A little something we'll be working on in class" instead its been the center of my families universe.

Every conversation with my son starts with, "Have you done blank with the Nigeria project today?" and ends with someone crying (usually me).  I wrote a dissertation that was over 300 pages and took me four years but this pales in comparison to the Nigeria project.

I have made Nigerian food at 11pm at night when of course someone forgot to tell me something was due the next day. I googled Nigerian music, googled Nigerian fashion we have a Nigerian flag hanging on our wall. I know all about the Super Eagles the Nigerian soccer team and I don't even know which game The Yankees play (baseball? hockey?).

Its the end of the year for goodness sake. I thought it'd all be field trips and movies but no! Every day there's another task about NIGERIA!!! 

I'm sure it's a nice country,  no offense to anyone from Nigeria. I've learned all about its beaches and culture and its great. But after the last few months of this project hell no one in our house will be able to talk about romantic trips down the Niger river without facing my wrath. And if anyone has any erias they need to talk an aspirin and tell someone who cares. 

Friday, June 7, 2013

Friday's Poetic Thoughts About Saying Goodbye

An Ode to the Gate I Have Opened Each Morning for the Past 14 Years
Dear old ugly storefront gate
It’s you I truly truly hate
You’re heavy and old and often covered in pee
Hearing your creaky squeak each morning does not fill me with glee
When I was sick and heavy with child
My poor body you did beguile
Even after operations on my spine
You made sure to stick and whine
And now as I get ready to say a-due

I pretty damn sure I will not miss you

An Ode To The Time Clock

Time clock time clock on the wall
You always made me feel so small
You tracked my days hour by hour
And never once did you produce a flower
You almost always decided to break
When I was leaving and it was late
To fix you was an awful job
I wished out the window with you I could lob
In a cold lobby I shivered and shook
While your operating system I would look
Come snow or rain you always crashed
And you machine I wanted to bash
I will say goodbye and soon

I hope someone hits you with a broom

Mouse Haiku
Mouse in my office
Have you come to say goodbye
I never liked you

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