My Life of Crime

I was gonna take a bloggy break but then I I went out. I hear the gasps out there. Yes I really went out. Thus here is the after post. Its sort of like the after glow but with typing instead of smoking.

So I went out. We hired a babysitter and everything and went out to a party. OK it really wasn't a party. In fact it was some travel agent event where they tried to hawk expensive vacations that we couldn't afford in a 100 years. But there was free food and drinks so lets call it a party.

So at the party there were tables set up advertising different trips that we would never go on. We walked around and took the small amounts of strange swag they offered. We had luggage locks and bookmarks and even a bandanna. But on this one table they had these banks that were shaped like penguins. They were so cute I could imagine the look of joy on my kids face as I handed them the penguin in the morning. I asked if I could have one but was told no they were just for display.

As the night wore on I got a little tipsy and suddenly that bank looked mighty appealing and before I knew it I had that bank in my grubby little hands. Yes I stole a penguin bank me Suzie the mother, wife and moral compass for the family. I was a thief and whats worse I liked it. I laughed and hid it feeling so bad ass. The old Suzie was back. I was dangerous and wild and the bank was mine. I had done it. I was home free.

When suddenly a hand tapped me on the shoulder.

Give me the bank.

I turned and there was a very angry travel agent stamping her foot in anger and looking like she wanted to kill me.

She grabbed the penguin bank.

Just kidding I stammered.

No you weren't! She said as she walked away in obvious disgust with my thieving ways.

I guess I'm not cut out for a life of crime but for one shining moment that penguin bank was mine...all mine.

Wild Party at Suzie's House

Its just a typical Monday morning. I am sitting at my desk drinking my coffee shuffling papers and waiting for a return call from Little B's doctor.

Why you may ask are you waiting to hear from little B's the doctor?

Does he have a boo boo?

Nope

A little head cold?

Nope

Did he happen to eat an inedible cake topper in front of at least 13 guests at his bobo party?

Yes! You're right how did you guess?

Yes I like to throw exciting parties where danger lurks at every turn. To hell with pinata anyone can get hit with a stick while beating a poor donkey to death. I'm the sort of gal who goes for the exotic. I throw caution to the wind and put little plastic pacifiers (bobo's) on top of a cake. After singing the traditional bobo party song and telling everyone that the cake toppers were plastic and not to be eaten I went to get a knife to cut the cake. Upon returning I noticed little hand prints on the cake and there was Little B drooling and huddeled in a corner. Yes my daredevil son during my brief absence took the plunge and stuffed the cake toppers in his mouth.

Did anyone stop him you may ask?

Nope

Did anyone even notice?

Nope

But upon party debriefing this morning it was discovered that he indeed ate at least one.

So its just another Monday morning, coffee, papers and a plastic cake topper inside my Little B.

Sigh

Operation Bobo-Day 2 Withdrawal

Yes my Little B is in bobo (pacifier)withdrawal. He hasn't cracked yet. I haven't found him sitting in a closet with six pacifiers in his hand and three in his mouth. But it is like one of those bad drug movies. B is sweaty and weepy. He hasn't started begging yet but its only a matter of time. I better keep a close eye on him or he'll end up in some preschooler pacifier house strung out on nuks and Playtex soothers. Scary.

Sunday B turns 4. Today is his school party. I spent $40 bucks on goodie bags (yes they're made of gold and contain lots of bling why else would they cost so darn much). I am also making chocolate cupcakes with his class. I'm not a big one for sugar but I keep hoping that seeing 10 four year olds hyped on chocolate and running amok thought the school t.p.ing the cribs and singing bawdy lyrics to the "Wheels on the Bus" will keep his mind off bobos.

Just in case does anyone know a good baby rehab?

Happy Birthday Dear Suzie

Welcome to my Bloggy Birthday Party. Yes I'm throwing it myself so what? Don't judge me I'm old!

Happy Birthday to me
I'm as old as can be
I'm older than Britteny
and snoop do-o-gy

OK actually my birthday is tomorrow but as I don't blog on weekends I thought I would celebrate it bloggy style today (hee hee that sounds dirty). B and I are making blue (yuck) cupcakes tomorrow ( I plan to eat at least three) and hubby and I will have a dinner out. I'm the kind of gal that loves being sung to in restaurants the louder the better as it helps to drown out the sound of old age approaching.

Well make yourself at home and don't forget to leave a present on the way out.

Late night Debauchery and Sausages

I woke up this morning and discovered my bra smelled a lot like an Italian sausage? Obviously I was disturbed. I thought it best to retrace my steps to see how and when this occured.

Well I did go to a party last night. I can't remember the last time I went to a party with real grown ups who talked about real grown up things like...well I can't remember what grown ups talk about but I do know it didn't involve Elmo or Thomas the Tank Engine. I was nervous about going. It was a dinner party and I wasn't sure if I could refrain from cutting other peoples food and wiping peoples faces. Plus my hubby was staying home to "babysit" so I was on my own.

I got to the party after a surprisingly calm subway ride (no frantic searching for potties in the underground) and felt a little rusty doing the whole conversing thing. I kept catching myself moving glasses away from the corners of tables and hiding matches lest anyone play with them and set the house on fire. The dinner was pasta with fresh spicy Italian sausage (WAIT A MINUTE!!). I had a glass of wine (maybe two) while the hostess cooked. I ended up feeling a little cooked myself. By the time the food was done I was regaling the party goers with tales about my three day labor with little S and the wonders of epidurals. I looked at my watch and it was 9:30 AT NIGHT!!!!! I don't remember the last time I was awake and partying so late! Yes I am a party animal! Watch out!

However as I look back on this crazy night of 2 glasses of wine, going to bed at 10pm debauchery and pasta I have no recollection of dancing on any tables with a sausage (that sounds bad doesn't it?) and I certainly have no recollection of stuffing any sausages in my bra.

I guess its a mystery best left unsolved.

Party Blog

Hi ok here I am introducing myself for this blog party thing. I've made a few appetizers some pigs in blankets and the like. Can I get anyone a drink?

Since I don't know you I cant do the miss manner thing. I was told always introduce someone by pointing out the things they have in common so they have a place to start a conversation. For example Jane this is Steve I think you both have an impressive collection of rolled twine or Tony this is Alma you both have far too many cats. Since I don't really know you I think I can introduce you by saying, Hello Party goer you blog I blog discuss.

Starting form my sparkling introduction I will talk about me. I blog as you know. I tend to blog about my life dull as it may be these days. I used to be a wild party girl out till 4 always having fun and up for anything. Now I am a thirtyish gal with two kids. I run a preschool and I am very very tired. I don't know how to drive which is good because if I did I think I would go for a long long drive change my name my hair color...no just kidding(I think). I am trying to loose the baby weight keep house raise kids go to work get my brain to work and all on decaf.

I have little girl named S she's 5 months and little boy B who is 3 and very sweet although he does spend a tremendous amount of time trying to kill his sister.

I believe in soaking food in ketchup and very dry martinis. I'm obsessed with Soprtacus on Lazy Town I love him I cant help it!


I would also love a full nights sleep and would love to give up my horrible dog. There I said it!

Enjoy the party girls. Now mingle