Tales Of The Toilet Seat

Yesterday I went to the gym. Before I went out on the floor I thought I would stop and have a potty break. (Yes it is that kind of a post) I opened one of the stalls and was greeted with a toilet seat covered in pee. Yuck, I thought how gross. I shut the door. I opened the next stall and was assaulted by yet another pee pee covered seat. I went to the next and the next all the toilets were covered with the stuff.

I wonder how something like that happens. How do women who are designed to sit upon a seat manage to pee all over them? I doubt a man snuck into the women's locker room just to pee all over the seats. My four year old could be responsible as he has some terrible aim but as far as I know he doesn't go to my gym (unless he is doing so behind my back) so that rules him out.

Perhaps a women is trying to perfect peeing her name in the snow and is trying out her technique in the women's locker room on all of the toilets.

Maybe a giant pee monster escaped from the monster jail and is getting revenge and mistook the women's locker room for his captors home.

Whatever it is that peed all over the toilet seats in the locker room I must say I am impressed. If it had just hit one toilet I would have shrugged it off. But to hit all six shows it has some stamina and a very large bladder.

Good for you super bladder creature! Good for you!

Dear Little S

Dear Little S:

I'm writing this letter to let you know about a few things that have been on my mind of late. I am your Mommy and love you so I feel its my duty to be up front about an issue that needs discussion.

First off let me start with a few positive points. Thank you so much for not calling me Daddy anymore. I really appreciate it. Mama is much better. And I gotta tell you I love the wet, snotty, open mouth kisses you give more than chocolate.

While I am very impressed with your developmental leaps I do have an issue that needs to be addressed.

Your interest in the toilet is admirable. I'm hopeful it may lead to early potty training and that is great but I must point out a reoccurring social fopah you have been discovered doing on multiple occasions. Believe me I say this because I love you and want what's best for you.

Please stop sticking your hand in the toilet after your brother has gone pee pee.

Please stop splashing around in the pee pee toilet water.

And for goodness sake please please do not do a full hand lick after the pee pee potty play.


Thank you for your attention in this matter.

Love

Your Mommy

Pee Pee Hell- Tales From the Potty

Last night B tells me he has to go potty. I am busy nursing S so I tell him to go ahead without me. It gets really quiet. Too quiet. I finish nursing S put her down and walk into the bathroom. There is B climbing a step ladder with his pants around his ankles trying to pee on the wall. I try to pick him up and move him but it is too late. B begins to pee all over me the walls and toilet everything in the bathroom. I yell to him aim please aim! But he doesn't. I try to aim for him but it doesn't work and the steady stream of pee is relentless. I keep thinking God how much does this child drink during he day? I walk out of the bathroom covered from head to toe. B is covered and there is no place in the bathroom that is not dripping wet. Ain't potty training great.

On the dating front my daughter at 4 months old seems to have started a relationship with another baby. She's already rebelling the boy is not Jewish.

I Cant Catch a Break

Sometimes it is the simple things I long for most. Like the ability to go to the potty without a little voice sweetly chiming Mommy...Mommy... Mommy...MOMMY I HAVE TA USE THE POTTY! MOMMY I GOTTA USE THE POTTY! I GOTTA GO! And as I run out I hear the dreaded comment "Don't have to go no more. Nothings coming out." Which of course results in wet shoes 10 min later.

So on Mondays I get to work with the wonderful expectation of using the potty all alone for a just a few beautiful minutes. I might even be able to wash my hands and not have to resort to Purell. So this morning I go and the minute I get settled I hear my co worker standing out side the bathroom. She jiggles the handle. I hear her sigh. She sighs louder and then announces "Who's in there I gotta go!" She proceeds to tell anyone who passes by she has to go and someone is always in there. I step out and pull rank. "Its me I'm your boss! I'm using the potty!" (Yes I said potty) I close the door and try to settle back in but its just not the same.