I Think I've Let Myself Go

I think I've let myself go. The thought occurred to me today as I sat on the commode answering natures call and putting on make up by digging into the dusty remnants of a free make up sample I received at least four years ago and smearing it on my face without the benefit of a mirror.

Yeah I think I might have let myself go

This also occurred to me in the shower as I tried to lift an economy bucket sized shampoo bottle labeled "OK Shampoo" to wash the dried green beans out of my hair that have been there since Tuesday.

Its true I might be letting myself go.

This thought also drifted into my consciousness as I squeezed into a pair of maternity pants (I had my last baby in 2007) and watched my flab flop over the wait band and tried to hide it with an over sized shirt with dried noodles on the sleeve.

I am I'm letting myself go.

I read People I know that Angelia Jolie lost all her twin weight in 3 weeks by only eating papaya. I see new mom Jennifer Lopez flit around her house in a white chiffon gown with no dried snot or vomit stains on an inch of her 105 pound post baby body.

Me I'm lucky if I can find a shirt without holes from baby carriers and stroller snafu's and grab a semi frozen Weight Watchers meal for lunch while brushing the food out of my hair. White chiffon? Papaya? Not in this life time.

Maybe for a while letting ones self go is the way its supposed to be especially when you have young kids. I know in this society we are supposed to be #1 all the time. Sure me time has its place it does. But maybe when the kids are really little it isn't so bad to be able to let yourself go peacefully. To accept the mushed peas in the hair. To revel in the flab caused by the little munchkins that are now gnawing a hole in the kitchen chair with their new teeth. Maybe letting yourself go at least for a little while is what lets us concentrate on the important stuff. So let the white chiffon and papaya wait at least for a little while.

Let me say it loud and proud I Have Let Myself Go...at least for now.

Dinner and Keanu

I am really mad. Last night I was having a dream where Keanu Reeves was trying to pick me up. We were in some very clean very large house. (Don't ask just go with it) He was flirting and holding my hand. The next thing I knew we were kissing.

I said "You know I just had a baby my stomach is flabby and my boobs are leaky. I just don't think I'm your type."

Keanu said, "You are the sexiest woman I have ever seen. Everything about you turns me on."

I fell into his arms ready to give him my flower of love (thats the best I could do this is a family blog after all) when suddenly there was a knock on the door. I tore myself away from Keanu's embrace and walked to the door.

There was my hubby, son and dad standing in the door way. "We want dinner!" They whined. "But I'm here with Keanu he wants me. He thinks I'm sexy. Order out!"

"No! You cant be with Keanu you're a married woman you have responsibilities and you need to make dinner."

I was so mad I woke myself up turned over and yelled at my hubby, "Do you know who that was? It was Keanu Reeves! Make your own damn dinner!"

My poor hubby sat there looking stunned as I turned over in a huff and went back to sleep.

Yet Another Suprise From Father Time

Last night after a fun filled evening of temper tantrums, whining, cleaning of snotty noses and diaper changes and dog rescues (they were hanging from his ears) I finally got the kids to bed put my feet up and switched on the TV. Suddenly I was affronted with a most horrible sight three long, course, black hairs were protruding from my big toe. In horror I lept from the couch before my husband could see the trees that had sprung from my toes and ran around the house in a desperate search for an iron forged super sized tweezers to wrestle the black monsters away from my aging tootsies.

Now I know I am getting older. Yes another birthday is swiftly approaching. But even age needs some limits. I have resigned myself to the usual aging things. I know that if I even look at a cupcake I immediately gain 5 pounds where as when I was 20 I could drop 5 pounds just from dancing to a hip tune by a Boy George. I know that even though I could stay awake till 4am when I was in my twenties I now need to be in bed by 9:30 lest I risk drooling open mouthed on the couch (a sexy sight). I know that although I used to be able to read the jokes on a bubble gum wrapper with ease it now takes a magnifying glass, some bifocals and a pair of x ray specs to even be able to read the warning label on a bottle of Geritol. I get it Age! I'm aging! I'm old! But this? My toes?

To quote my son Not Nice Age! Not Nice!

My Inner Fabulous

Yesterday on my lunch hour I decided to get all gussied up so I went and got my hair done. When I think of getting my hair done I think of little old ladies with blue hair sitting under a row of hair dryers reading the Weekly World News. I did not go to this sort of place. I went to one of these places you only find in Manhattan the music was loud people were dancing all the stylists had names like Diva and Sparkle. It was almost like being in a night club except everyone was overly nice and you can always find a seat.

My stylist Diva was a life coach/stylist. She talked to me about making me fabulous and bringing out my inner beauty and before I knew it I was having chemicals poured on my head and was undergoing the most expensive hair quaffing I had ever encountered. Just one thing I told Diva please don't make it too far away from my regular color I don't have the time to deal with roots. And I only have an hour I'm on my lunch. She agreed (of course darling) and off I went to find my inner beauty my inner fabulous!

So I sat and sat until I could no longer feel my scalp. Wave and Shimmer (can you tell they were stylists too) came and complimented my red glowing tingling scalp delighting over the wonderful color I had in store. The clock ticked away and as the chemicals burned a molten pathway to my brain I realized I only had 10 min left of my lunch hour. I grabbed Star Bright and asked her to find Diva. I needed to go. I was late. You can't rush color they said. Finally after and hour and a half I was washed and cut and I looked and there was the lushest, deepest, RED hair I had ever seen. But but I stammered...I'm not a red head my roots will show in about 20 min. Yes it sure will! She replied isn't it great!

I walked back into work 45min late with a glowing red scalp glowing red hair and still looking for the fabulous new me. Maybe those little old ladies have the right idea after all.

A Very Sexy Me

Last night I went out by myself to read and have a martini...I mean coffee and read a book for a few minutes of alone time. A very rare thing by the way. They had these wonderful bread sticks at the bar I mean coffee shop. I grabbed one and started chomping away and part of it fell down my shirt and down my very large and ugly nursing bra. (When I take this thing off at night I find parts of muffins, Altoids and even pretzels down the front of it.) I started picking bread stick out of my bra when I looked up and saw this man looking at me. He smiled. Believe it or not he was flirting with me.

I remember a time when I would walk past construction sites and be barraged with cat calls and lurid suggestions and now nothing. Its like a woman with a handful of crying babies with baby food and snot sticking to her clothes wearing maternity clothes cause she still hasn't lost the baby weight, is just invisible. Its sort of sad and now I find myself sort of missing those cat calls. Is that terrible?

Anyway here I was not invisible in fact I was being looked at in that way. I was shocked. So shocked in fact that when I went to take a sip of my drink I spilled it down the front of my shirt. So now I had soggy bread sticks down my bra and a martini I mean coffee dripping off my face and shirt. Boy I am one sexy chick. When I went home I told my husband about my adventure he made some wonderful comment like of course he thought you were sexy you're a very sexy woman (I love my hubby). Then he paused and said but you might want to check the mirror you have a green thing between your front teeth.

Boy I sure do know how to turn the sexy on.