Thursday, July 16, 2009

I HAte Jose'

I take back everything I said about liking to drive. That wonderful driving teacher is now but a memory I have instead been stuck with Jose'. Jose' speaks in a calm voice. He wears dark sunglasses Jose' however is evil. As soon as I get behind the wheel it begins:

Susan you must anticipate traffic
Susan you must use your rear view mirrors.
Susan you are not signalling
Susan do not use the gas when you turn
Susan watch out for that man on the bike
Susan do not hit that woman with a baby carriage
Susan watch out for that pole.
Susan do not back into that tree.

Although he does not yell at me the calm quiet anxiety that Jose' radiate has created a boiling pot of hate and nervousness in my stomach. I find myself unexpectedly hitting the breaks and unable to hold onto the steering wheel do to all the sweat. I have even found myself experiencing road rage while in park.

Jose not only makes me nervous he makes me mad. Its only a matter of time before that pot overflows and I tell Jose' where to stick it. Before I tell Jose' that he is making me a nervous wreck. Before I tell Jose' that no matter how calm he sounds I have seen him tear a hole in dash board with his finger nails as he barks out commands. Before I start to scream DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO JOSE'! I WILL HIT THAT WOMAN WALKING BEHIND MY CAR IF I WANT TO! I HATE YOU JOSE'! AND MY NAME'S NOT SUSAN!

15 comments:

neb said...

I admire your patience that José made it out of there with his neck intact. Assuming he did?

Not Your Aunt Bea said...

I didn't know you were taking driving lessons with my father?!? Does he have a think accent too? I feel your pain. Just wait until Jose starts raising his voice when he knows you are ignoring what he says. Go back to the nice teacher...can you request him at all?

Helen said...

I am SOOOOO addicted to your wonderful writing! Smiles all around today.

sitting on the mood swing at the playground said...

Where did the nice instructor go...any chance you can request him and drop Mr. Calm Voice?

Tay said...

I must also congratulate you on your patience with HIM and his calmness. I would like to suggest ear plugs. Or being obnoxious with an mP3 player.

Susan said...

Sheesh, glad I got my license young. I wish ya well. Susan

TattingChic said...

My gosh, Jose is a nag! LOL! That would drive me crazy. Is there anyway you can ask for the nice instructor back!
I wanted to let you know that I'm having a giveaway! Be sure to come on over and join in!

Chimera said...

Jose is passive aggressive. if you push him he might go postal so instead get yourself some earphons and an ipod and some serious punk music. he won't notice from behind his glasses. You won't hear him and can concetrate on narrowly avoiding pedestrians.
Love
your cuz x

Pam said...

Oh god,oh god. I'm just like Jose..and yeah, I relate to the passive aggressive thing. I tried to help my daughter get her driving licence. Same calm tone, same watch-out for this and that.What did the previous comment say? Go postal. I did, yelling "can't do this anymore!". Maybe he will too, and you'll get your other instructor back. Underneath we Jose's are saying to ourselves "just keep caaalllmmm".You couldn't give me enough money to be a driving instuctor, but then again, I wouldn't go back to being a student again for anything either.Terror personified.Everyone in the "learn to drive" scene deserves a medal but it's worth it in the end. Hope you get your licence in quicker time than it took to write all this.I've seen shorter car instruction manuals.sxx

Tina said...

lol i am surprised you kept your patience for so long susan rofl ;)

adrienne said...

That would make me nervous, too. But I remember my instructor was the total opposite, and that was not fun, either.

Dr. Grumbles said...

I learned to drive from my crazy aunt. I wished I had ear plugs the whole time. She jabbered the whole time, and I didn't actually learn to drive until I was on the road on my own, making mistakes and getting experience.

Rebecca Ramsey said...

Too funny.
Hang in there!

April said...

That's how I feel about being called ma'am!

The Mrs. said...

hope jose doesnt walk in front of your car......

 
template by suckmylolly.com : background by Tayler : dingbat font TackODing