Friday, May 30, 2008

A Night At the Bar

Last night I went out with a friend of mine. I hear you gasp. Yes really, I did.

It had been so long since I went out I was surprised no one was doing the robot or drinking New Coke.

I met my friend in a bar. The Young Suzie trapped inside of the Mommy Suzie was ecstatic. She wanted to get drunk dance on the tables and prowl for boys. Mommy Suzie told Young Suzie to settle down and sit nicely after all we were a happily married almost middle aged woman now so get a grip!

Upon approaching the bar Mommy Suzie could make out the youngsters who were engaging in the filthy habit of smoking and girls wearing too much make up and short skirts. Mommy Suzie had to fight the urge to tell those young ladies to march back upstairs and change their clothes immediately. Young Suzie told Mommy Suzie to get a grip and lighten up. Mommy Suzie was appalled and wanted to go home and go straight to bed after all it was almost 8pm.

Mommy Suzie met her friend who commented on how quiet it was for a Thursday night. Mommy Suzie had to have old friend repeat that statement three times before she could hear what he was saying. Mommy Suzie and old friend actually got a seat and young Suzie downed her drink (Mommy Suzie helped) and they talked (screamed) a little bit about old times. Mommy Suzie relaxed just a little bit and Young Suzie ordered a second drink obviously trying to liquor Mommy Suzie up.

At 9:00 Mommy Suzie had to excuse herself and go home. After all tomorrow was a big day and she needed her beauty sleep and the early bird catches the worm. She pulled Young Suzie out of the bar just as she had ordered a flaming Bob Marley and was ready to start doing the Macarana.

Don't worry Mommy Suzie told Young Suzie as she dragged her kicking and screaming down the street well be going out again soon at least by 2012.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Warning Another Sentimental Posting Here

I started blogging when I was pregnant with S. It was almost a year ago. I had discovered that even though I live in a big city I had started to feel really alone. Before kids I had a big social network. I went out with the girls I talked on the phone with friends. When I was on bed rest with B most of my friends stopped coming by. (Que sad awww sound)

It was isolating and now with the two kids I hardly see anyone anymore. Yes I see people at work but its different I am the boss. When I talk to friends on the phone I am constantly having to stop and answer questions about chocolate milk and rescue the dog from pinching baby fingers. I love my life I love being a mommy but boy it does it get lonely. So I started blogging and I met people, all different types of people. I started feeling like I wasn't so alone anymore. I got a new community one who has many members who also have to stop to get more chocolate milk. Thank you all so much for just being there.

Some of my oldies but goodies like:
The Teach
We Are that Family
Will Think for Wine
The Forgetful One
Stacey Huston
I've Changed My Name to Mommy

Have been around for awhile and have helped me find my blogging voice:

Some of the new ones like:
Kristen H.
Llama Mamma
Have really added so much to my bloggy life with their comments and suport

June Cleavers Nirvana -who also commented on one of my posts "You look hot today" which totally made my week
Doc Grumbles
Who never fail to impress me with their writing and view points on life.

And of course my wonderful friends
Holey Vision
Escape From Brooklyn
Down Hill All the Way
who has enabled me to find someone else who can talk about blogging for hours

I know I forgot people. I am sorry. I feel like I am at the Academy awards.
So here is your award for being so wonderful and giving me support and love and helping me get through this wonderful yet pretty darn hard part of my life.

I promise the next post will be silly. Really! I mean it!

Also I know I've been tagged by a few people for memes Im sorry Ill try to get to them soon.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Wordless Wednesday

What S has to say about tummy time

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Sesame Place

I had a great long weekend. I went to my parents house and just relaxed a little. B, S and I got to spend long mornings in bed with each other singing songs and acting silly. Hubby and I got to go out a little on our own. It was nice to slow down a little and have some help!

We did however make the mistake of doing some high energy activities. The worst of which was Sesame Place. Sesame Place is an amusement park for little kids under 8. It is based on Sesame Street. A great idea right. No not really. After taking out a second mortgage on the apartment to be able to afford the golden tickets we entered the park. Upon crossing the threshold (the threshold that costs over $50 per person even for my son who is 3) we were bombarded with $30 Elmo hats , $45 cups that Elmo once used while waiting for the bus, $80 tissue that Oscar used to wipe his brow during a surprisingly hot day. The whole thing was an exercise in saying no. As we all know the word no is not a favorite among the toddler set. Most of the children in the park were begging for something or crying. Can I have a cookie monster protractor? No! Can I have a Zoe carpel tunnel arm sleeve? No! A Rosita can opener...a Grover nose hair cutter? No! No! No!

After sitting down to eat our $80 lunch of brie and caviar (oops sorry I meant hamburgers and water) we went to the main street parade where all the guys sweating in their plushy outfits came dancing by. B got to high five big bird he was so excited we had to run to the potty lest he spilith over with joy. After that he was very very happy and talked endlessly about his buddy Big Bird so I guess it was worth emptying out his college fund in the end.

I hope you all had a great weekend and got to relax a little too.

Friday, May 23, 2008

Signs I am Turning Into My Mother

I'm going to see my parents in Philly for the long weekend. I guess I've been stressed getting ready for it and have been slipping a little lately and maybe turning a little bit into my own mother.

I love my Mother she is wonderful and intelligent woman who I love and respect having said that at times as a kid she drive me nuts. I promised myself I would never repeat the same things that drove me nuts as a kid. Yeah good luck with that. Here are some of the things I have been guilty of saying and doing that makes my inner little Suzie just cringe:

Just who do you think you are young man/lady?
Do you need every light in the house on?
You'll put an eye out with that
I'm not made of money you know.
Don't make me pull this car over (I don't even drive)
Don't use your sleeve find a tissue
He's just excited because company is over
You better stop that or your face will freeze that way
I'm going to give you until the count of three
(And my all time favorite) Because I said so!

Making my kids wear a jacket in weather I would never wear a jacket in
Looking down my sons pants in public to see if he was wet
Peeing in front of my children
Starting my sons apple with my teeth
(The Worst of all)Using my spit to clean my children's faces

By the way thank you all for your kind words yesterday you are all very kind and supportive. It means a lot to me. I'm sending you all lots of virtual hugs (( )) . Have a great weekend!

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Not At All A Good Day

I know I usually at least try to add humor to my daily posts but yesterday something very upsetting happened. I wasn't sure if I really wanted to blog about it but as I know I have a very supportive community around me here in bloggy land I thought I would just get it off my chest and hopefully just move on with things.

Yesterday I was coming home from work. S was in the stroller and B was walking. It was a little rainy and the streets were surprisingly empty for my busy neighborhood.

I walked into my building we have two doors for security and I was in the vestibule between doors when a man pushed inside. He had a handful of menus. I suddenly got a very very bad feeling. Something felt very wrong about this man. Suddenly the man tried to push me through the second door. I took my key out and put it in my pocket so he couldn't get me to open the door. I turned and pushed the kids behind me and faced him.

He told me to open the door. I told him no. I told him to get away from me and my kids. He started looking around trying to see if there were people on the street. I started to move to get back outside and he put himself in front of the door to the outside blocking my exit. B started to get really scared. I did too but I stood my ground. I yelled get away from me and my children. He kept moving forward and then moving back like he couldn't figure out if he should just run at me or not. I kept repeating get away from me and my children. Suddenly he lurched forward and threw a handful of menus at me and ran back out the door.

I know it doesn't sound like much but you know when you just know something very bad is in the works. When every alarm bell you own starts to sound. Well they were sounding loud and clear yesterday. And now when I think about it I get a very bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. All I could think about was protecting my children and not letting him get us in the hallway of my building. It scares me to think what could have happened. Maybe nothing but my little voice (which is almost always right) tells me that was not the case. Poor B felt it too and was terrified. It took over an hour to calm him down. I'm just glad we got away safe and not more than a little roughed up emotionally.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Another Not So Wordless Wednesday

Lately I have been stressed out. The kids, work, its all starting to make me feel a little on edge Its been so long since Ive gotten out of the house sometimes I'm sure my head will explode.

Last night when my hubby came home he sent me out to have a rest

When I came home things had spiralled out of control. B had had an accident

The water from the humidifier was all over the floor and B was dancing in it
Even S was out of control

My poor husband had gone catatonic
Even the dog had had enough

I guess I better hang in there a little while longer
I'm definitely needed

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Dreaming of Captain Crunch

Last night I had a dream. I was at the beach. I was relaxing in the sun. It was hot and I was reading a book. I had a frozen drink and I was so very happy. Perhaps a little too happy...wait a minute something was missing. No one was pulling on my arm and whining for a juice box or having to go poopy. No one was eating handfuls of sand. Yup I had lost the kids. Just forgotten them..spaced on the kids big woop..nope just completely misplaced them a little.

Eventually I found them in a big child filled lost and found. I think at one point I was eating a big bowl of Captain Crunch.

Hmm...either I need a vacation or I'm out of cereal you choose.

Monday, May 19, 2008

My Superson

My husband loves superheros and having a little boy has given him the ability to pass some of that very geeky love along. At the age of three my son can identify at least 15 different super hero's and their special power. This fills my husband with joy. So B spent the weekend dressed as Superman. Although B and his daddy know all about Superman's special powers I have learned some new ones even the geekiest of man does not know about.

  • Superman is so fast he can slap his sister on the head so quickly you almost thought the dog did it.
  • Superman can cram more food in his mouth at one time then you thought was humanly or superhumanly possible. He can in fact walk with an entire piece of pizza crammed in his mouth for around 30 min and still have some left over in his cheeks for later.
  • Superman's whine can cause dogs to bark and grown ups ears to bleed. Its true my Superson chanted I wanna ice cream cone for 20 min during a Saturday morning walk. By the end of our walk all grown ups and canines in a 12 block radius wanted to just give him that ice cream cone so we could regain some sense of sanity.
  • Superman never needs to nap. Not even if he is bad tempered and cries at a boo boo he received three weeks ago.
  • Superman can pee through a super absorbent overnight diaper which costs about $1.25 each and soak an entire bed and about 12 stuffed animals that cannot go in the washer too.
  • That evil Lex Luther also know as Mommy is really good at hiding superheros outfits as she happily did on Sunday night. Go Lex!

Hey I'm on alltop now. Go to

Friday, May 16, 2008

The Banana Dance

I am so very very tired. S was up nursing every two hours last night.

As soon as I would begin to dream the crying would begin. I would be dancing the tango with a muscle bound stud in my son's dentist office while holding a banana and waaaa!!!!! I would be playing with my dog who was speaking French and wearing a beret and waaaa!!!! It never stopped.

I am good for nothing today. I should have a warning label that reads: warning do not let this woman operate heavy machinery, get near an oven, talk to people or give anyone directions. But instead I must go on with my day and act as if my brain is not in a dazed state of sleep deprivation.

Last night I kept making a list of things I'd rather be doing than getting up every two hours in my head. I'd rather stand in a line for the bathroom at a crowded sports stadium while really having to pee. I'd rather do my taxes. I'd rather clean the gunk out of my dogs ear. I'm not sure if it helped but at least it proved I could still think.

I am shocked I am able to blog. Although it may be like that very special Family Tie's episode where Alex is taking a lot of vivrin and he thinks he is writing a terrific term paper but when he wakes up in the morning he finds he has written the 20 paged paper all on one page.

You would let me know if I was doing that right? You know what, just let me think I am being witty and perceptive. Who's it gonna hurt?

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Why Kids Have More Fun

The Way S thinks must put in mouth foot must put in mouth's ear must put in mouth
Yumm...Mom's nose must put in mouth

The Way I think

Yumm... pizza must not put in mouth
Yumm... cheese steak must not put in mouth
Yumm... candy must not put in mouth
Yumm... foot must not put in mouth

The Way B thinks

Oooh...must yell at the top of my lungs
Oooh...must hit best friend for no reason
Oooh...I want that... must whine

The Way I think

Oooh...must not yell, must not yell
Oooh...must not hit child, must not!
Oooh...time for some wine! Wee!

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

(Not so) Wordless Wednesday Western

(Que Western music)
Scene- S and I are on a subway. I am wearing a ten gallon hat.

S is wearing a 1.5 gallon hat (do they make those?)

S is asleep in her carrier I am chewing on a piece of straw and leaning against the subway pole with my hat pulled down low over my head.

A crow caws in the background

Enter- A large mariachi band. They are dressed in black and silver.
They have on spurs and large black cowboy hats.

Each band member holds an instrument.

They stop and stare at the baby.

I tip my hat up and stare at the marichi band. I rest my hand on my baby's head ready to....ummm... draw?

The mariachi band grabs their instruments.

Shot of baby.

Shot of instruments

close up of baby

close up of instruments

crow caws

Close up of me

Without a gun drawn or a horn tooted.

The mariachi band walks away.
Baby stays sleeping.
The fight has been won!

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Another Epic Poem- Blog Block

I have nothing to say today
I wish I could write something I'd shout hurray
I thought of talking of babies eating peas
Or writing of my sons scabby knees
I could write about my dog's case of flees
or how his fur makes little S sneeze
but I have nothing to say its true
It's left me feeling a little blue
I started writing several entries here
but they are awful, its true I fear
I wrote of subway rides and such
it really did not amount to much
So today I must just say oh well
I'll just let this post go to ... well you know

Monday, May 12, 2008

Mothers Day Update

# of cups of coffee made for me :0
# of Presents received :0
# of flowers received:0
# of wet sheet changed:1
# of vomiting sessions I experienced:0
# of vomiting sessions B experienced:0
# of vomiting sessions S experienced:0
# of vomiting sessions Hubby experienced:0
# of hugs received: A whole lot

Mothers Day rating : Pretty Darn Good definitely a step up from last year. I'm still waiting for a martini in the Bahamas though.

Note Cat doodle

Mommyfest Party Post

Hi! Welcome to the party. Can I get you a cocktail? I have some pigs in a blanket for you hold on....nope the dog ate them...hold on I know I have some chips somewhere. Well have a seat. I'll be right back. Oh have you met my son he's three...sweety please stop eating the dog food ...I said please stop eating the dog food....STOP EATING THE DOG FOOD RIGHT NOW! NOW I MEAN IT! Sorry hee hee oh what a card he is. Let me introduce you to my lovely daughter S she's seven months..hold on...oh she pooped. Do you mind just holding this tray for a second I'll be right back. You don't mind passing around a few appetisers do you? Thanks.

OK I'm back...sorry about that. This is my hubby we've been together about 13 years. He collects Star Wars action figures. I run a daycare and this crazy house. I like vacations, eating out, reading paranormal romance novels and I hate emptying the dishwasher. Nope can't stand it. I am so glad you stoped by. So tell me about yourself. How long have you been ....HONEY STOP POKING YOUR SISTER RIGHT NOW! I am so sorry I gotta run please mingle help yourself to some more snacks and enjoy the party.

To join the party go to

Friday, May 9, 2008

Happy Mothers Day

Last year Mothers Day was less than stellar. I woke up threw up (I was pregnant with S). Got B up who threw a mighty temper tantrum. Made him breakfast..threw up. After about 4 hours my hubby woke up and presented me with his first of many Mother's Day gifts an empty mug out of the dishwasher to fill with coffee for him. Overwhelmed by this wonderful thoughtful gift I threw up.

After a wonderful morning of making everyone breakfast we met up with my hubby's mother for her Mother's Day brunch. This brunch lasted for three hours. During which B went nuts and ran around the restaurant shrieking and trying to draw on the walls with crayons. I spent the meal chasing him and trying not to get sick. When it was finally over my husband turned to me and said, "Wasn't that great it was almost relaxing."

After bursting into tears we went home where I received my second Mothers Day gift a B throwing up and getting a case of the runs after eating who knows what at the restaurant (at that point he'd put anything into his mouth)

But when I read B his bedtime story and he leaned against my big tummy where S (who we called Martini at the time) was swimming around. I felt very special. So I guess it was a good Mother's Day after all. With my little family surrounding me there was no where else in the world I'd rather be (except maybe getting a manicure and drinking a large martini in the Bahamas but I digress).

Here's wishing you all a wonderful Mothers Day and may you get lots of Mommy time and may you not have to clean any vomit or runny poop at least on Sunday.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

My Three Year Old and Umbrella and the Rain

Have you ever wondered how long it takes to walk 5 blocks to work in the rain with a three year old holding an umbrella? 25 min! Yes 25 min!

You may ask, Suzie how could it take 25 minutes to walk 5 blocks to work in the rain with a three year old holding an umbrella? Doesn't that walk usually take 10 minutes max?

My you are perceptive about my morning walk yes it does usually take 10 minutes max to walk 5 blocks to work. However this is not the case with a three year old in the rain holding an umbrella. A three year old walking 5 blocks to work in the rain holding an umbrella is not a fast mover. Oh No! A three year old walking 5 blocks to work in the rain holding an umbrella need to tell you every thought that pops into his little head concerning that umbrella and this cannot be accomplished while walking. For each statement question and pronouncement he needed to come to a complete stop and look at the umbrella. It went something like this:

Mommy this is my umbrella. I'm not going to share it with anyone. Not even baby sister. Mommy my umbrella is blue. This is my blue umbrella and its mine. All mine. Mommy I'm gonna use it all day. Mommy is this my umbrella? Mommy why is it blue? Mommy do I have to share it? Mommy baby sister cant hold it do I have to share it with her? My umbrella is blue. Mommy its all mine. Mommy why is it raining? Is G*d peeing?...etc....

Then there was the holding the umbrella over said child's eyes and walking into parking meters, walls, fire hydrants, dogs, cracks in the pavement and other people.

Finally there was the opening and closing the umbrella incessantly which resulted in caught fingers and crying jags.

I have learned a valuable lesson a three year old walking 5 blocks to work in the rain holding an umbrella is a task best saved for the weekend. Tomorrow I think I'll take the stroller.

Hey don't forget about the Mommy Fest blog party next week to sign up go to

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Wordless Wednesday

B- 2007 No sibling

B- 2008 with sibling

B-2007 happy, well rested, full of fun

B- 2008 tired, crabby, not in the mood

B-2007 Ruler of all toys

B- 2008-Baby touches everything

B-2007- Center of the Universe

B-2008 Just another planet circling the sun

Poor B

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