My Life of Crime

I was gonna take a bloggy break but then I I went out. I hear the gasps out there. Yes I really went out. Thus here is the after post. Its sort of like the after glow but with typing instead of smoking.

So I went out. We hired a babysitter and everything and went out to a party. OK it really wasn't a party. In fact it was some travel agent event where they tried to hawk expensive vacations that we couldn't afford in a 100 years. But there was free food and drinks so lets call it a party.

So at the party there were tables set up advertising different trips that we would never go on. We walked around and took the small amounts of strange swag they offered. We had luggage locks and bookmarks and even a bandanna. But on this one table they had these banks that were shaped like penguins. They were so cute I could imagine the look of joy on my kids face as I handed them the penguin in the morning. I asked if I could have one but was told no they were just for display.

As the night wore on I got a little tipsy and suddenly that bank looked mighty appealing and before I knew it I had that bank in my grubby little hands. Yes I stole a penguin bank me Suzie the mother, wife and moral compass for the family. I was a thief and whats worse I liked it. I laughed and hid it feeling so bad ass. The old Suzie was back. I was dangerous and wild and the bank was mine. I had done it. I was home free.

When suddenly a hand tapped me on the shoulder.

Give me the bank.

I turned and there was a very angry travel agent stamping her foot in anger and looking like she wanted to kill me.

She grabbed the penguin bank.

Just kidding I stammered.

No you weren't! She said as she walked away in obvious disgust with my thieving ways.

I guess I'm not cut out for a life of crime but for one shining moment that penguin bank was mine...all mine.

A Night At the Bar

Last night I went out with a friend of mine. I hear you gasp. Yes really, I did.

It had been so long since I went out I was surprised no one was doing the robot or drinking New Coke.

I met my friend in a bar. The Young Suzie trapped inside of the Mommy Suzie was ecstatic. She wanted to get drunk dance on the tables and prowl for boys. Mommy Suzie told Young Suzie to settle down and sit nicely after all we were a happily married almost middle aged woman now so get a grip!

Upon approaching the bar Mommy Suzie could make out the youngsters who were engaging in the filthy habit of smoking and girls wearing too much make up and short skirts. Mommy Suzie had to fight the urge to tell those young ladies to march back upstairs and change their clothes immediately. Young Suzie told Mommy Suzie to get a grip and lighten up. Mommy Suzie was appalled and wanted to go home and go straight to bed after all it was almost 8pm.

Mommy Suzie met her friend who commented on how quiet it was for a Thursday night. Mommy Suzie had to have old friend repeat that statement three times before she could hear what he was saying. Mommy Suzie and old friend actually got a seat and young Suzie downed her drink (Mommy Suzie helped) and they talked (screamed) a little bit about old times. Mommy Suzie relaxed just a little bit and Young Suzie ordered a second drink obviously trying to liquor Mommy Suzie up.

At 9:00 Mommy Suzie had to excuse herself and go home. After all tomorrow was a big day and she needed her beauty sleep and the early bird catches the worm. She pulled Young Suzie out of the bar just as she had ordered a flaming Bob Marley and was ready to start doing the Macarana.

Don't worry Mommy Suzie told Young Suzie as she dragged her kicking and screaming down the street well be going out again soon at least by 2012.