A Tumor or Not A Tumor That Is The Question

So so far 40 just sucks. Sucks bad.

Not to spill it all out all over the place. But as soon as I turned 40 my doc sent me for a mammogram.

My Aunt died of breast cancer and it was a terrible experience. Of course I was scared to death of a mammogram. I went in to the imagining center and dressed in one of those spa robes not fooling myself I would end up with sparkly toe nails at the end of it. I told the lady who would be squishing my breast and dragging it across the room about my Aunt and asked her if she could show the film to the doctor right away. She said he was out but she was nice and made me feel really comfortable as she compressed my boob till it looked like a pancake.

I got dressed while freaking out when she came and told me the radiologist was there he would look at the film and I should wait. I did sweating and praying and working myself up into a tizzy. An hour later she came back and brought me back into the room. Apparently something was off she needed to do more squishing. I went numb but not so numb that I didn't feel the next round of squishing and pulling and pulling. When she was done she said she'd go show the doc. I waited and thought about chemo and dying and putting my family through what my aunt went through. It was terrifying. 20 min later she returned. Its fine your in good health well see you again in a year.

I was so happy I walked home on air with a spring in my step I had escaped death.

The next day my doctor called. Don't freak out he said but we found a tumor in your breast. It's probably benign

What?!!

I explained that it was clear the radiologist had told me so.

Well not according to this report he explained. He said You have a tumor and we should do a sonogram.

Please call the radiologist. I begged and find out what happened between its OK and and its a tumor please

The doctor was astounded I don't know why your freaking out about this. He went on Its Friday we wont hear from him until Monday at the earliest.

So I've spent the weekend pretty damn confused. I am fine but I have a tumor. I'm healthy and can go but I'm not.

This is too much for my 40 year old brain. I seem to be confusing the doctor. He doesn't understand why a tumor may upset me. No one is calling me back and I am freaking out.

I hate 40! Hate it hate it hate it!