Monday, August 24, 2009

A Tumor or Not A Tumor That Is The Question

So so far 40 just sucks. Sucks bad.

Not to spill it all out all over the place. But as soon as I turned 40 my doc sent me for a mammogram.

My Aunt died of breast cancer and it was a terrible experience. Of course I was scared to death of a mammogram. I went in to the imagining center and dressed in one of those spa robes not fooling myself I would end up with sparkly toe nails at the end of it. I told the lady who would be squishing my breast and dragging it across the room about my Aunt and asked her if she could show the film to the doctor right away. She said he was out but she was nice and made me feel really comfortable as she compressed my boob till it looked like a pancake.

I got dressed while freaking out when she came and told me the radiologist was there he would look at the film and I should wait. I did sweating and praying and working myself up into a tizzy. An hour later she came back and brought me back into the room. Apparently something was off she needed to do more squishing. I went numb but not so numb that I didn't feel the next round of squishing and pulling and pulling. When she was done she said she'd go show the doc. I waited and thought about chemo and dying and putting my family through what my aunt went through. It was terrifying. 20 min later she returned. Its fine your in good health well see you again in a year.

I was so happy I walked home on air with a spring in my step I had escaped death.

The next day my doctor called. Don't freak out he said but we found a tumor in your breast. It's probably benign

What?!!

I explained that it was clear the radiologist had told me so.

Well not according to this report he explained. He said You have a tumor and we should do a sonogram.

Please call the radiologist. I begged and find out what happened between its OK and and its a tumor please

The doctor was astounded I don't know why your freaking out about this. He went on Its Friday we wont hear from him until Monday at the earliest.

So I've spent the weekend pretty damn confused. I am fine but I have a tumor. I'm healthy and can go but I'm not.

This is too much for my 40 year old brain. I seem to be confusing the doctor. He doesn't understand why a tumor may upset me. No one is calling me back and I am freaking out.

I hate 40! Hate it hate it hate it!

26 comments:

Maria said...

{{Hugs}} Here waiting with you.

Erin, Nick and Merrick said...

Sending you hugs....

Chimera said...

Jeez Cuz!!! What the..? Am waiting impatinetly for next blog. Bloody doctors...all bloody hopeless bedside manners. So sorry honey. Will be in email touch.
T xx

Chimera said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
adrienne said...

I've been called back for more tests before - I know the waiting sucks.
Hope everything turns out okay.

Susan said...

Hang in there gal, this happens to me EVERY time I go and have my mammogram done and I have no family history of problems. They always call it an "area" that they want to recheck. I have had the girls mashed repeatedly and sonograms and worries aplenty, but mine always ends up ok. I always cut out caffeine and drink lots of water, that seems to help them to be able to see my images better. Hope everything turns out ok. Susan

sitting on the mood swing at the playground said...

Ugh, I'm sorry. And why do things like this always happen late in the week when "we won't hear from him until Monday." As an aside, I've often had to go back for a second mammoflat so they can get a better look.

Suzie said...

Thank you so much everyone you're really helping calm me down :)

Tay said...

Totally normal to freak out about things that are beyond frightening. Like when I need to get a mole removed "just in case." For heaven's sake, people, don't us women have enough to worry about with our own made-up just-in-case scenarios without real ones?

Now, a tumor is not necessarily indicative of cancer. So just take deep breaths and attempt to not worry until you need to. ;)

Suzie said...

Spoke to doc going for second round of tests tomorrow

Heather said...

Oh no Suzie! I will pray for you. Let us know the results right away.

Cutter said...

My thoughts are with you, Suz.

I care.

Pam said...

Oh darlin', so sorry that you are going through this.Mine is a breast cancer family too, Mother, Auntie, cousin. All are now fit and healthy - mum insisting on dragging huge potplants around on a sack-truck at 83!! Thinking of you - and a big hug too.

Ali said...

Ok. Stay calm. I am sure that it is benign.

It is benign. It is benign, Say it with me.

I will be thinking of you.

Let us all know when you hear.
x

The Mrs. said...

your in my thoughts, fingers and toes crossed that its nothing. Just a bored doctor messing with you. I think they like to do that sometimes.

hang in there, your a tough cookie (((HUGS)))

Veronica said...

Oh love.

Big hugs.

And of course it's benign. It's not allowed to be anything else. I said so.

(I know how you feel, cancer runs in my family, down through the women. I'm sort of waiting to have the rug pulled out from under me.)

Not Your Aunt B said...

Here's hoping they sort it out and it IS nothing. So much of that is dependent on the film and technician. And they put you through the pain of a mammogram only to send you for an ultrasound (which is painful, but not as bad). Sigh. Big hugs to you. Will be sending positive tumor-free thoughts your way.

Helen said...

My money is on YOU !!!!!!

Queen-Size funny bone said...

I'm convinced it is the doctors job to scare us to death. the same thing happened to me with a pap smear. got the call everything is alright and then a call back that I think you have cervical cancer. after more tests it turned out to be nothing. hope the same for you.

Annie said...

What kind of douche doctor calls you on a Friday but says he can't give you news until Monday? I'm so mad at him for you.

(((hugs))) I'm sure it's nothing!

Gerbil said...

Doctors should be forced to wear one of those bark collars that delivers a mild shock whenever they say the word "tumor" unnecessarily. There's more than 95% chance that what he's referring to is a fluid-filled cyst or a fibroid.

And aren't mammograms amazing? I knew I was going to get compressed. I had no IDEA you could use my hooters to jimmy open a locked door afterward!

I hope your doctor gets a clue.

Michele said...

What a stressful experience. I am so sorry to hear this and hope to hear good news from you soon. And to tell you this on a Friday when you have all weekend to freak out. Assholes.

I had a Dr. tell me once, "It may be Lupus, but you are probably fine". WTF??

Suzie said...

Had the sonogram still waiting the results will let you know

Cat said...

FUCK.

Sending "white light".

forgetfulone said...

Sending hugs and prayers. Keep us posted.

prashant said...

I'm convinced it is the doctors job to scare us to death. Web hosting india

 
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