The Big Bad Bug Killer

I'm not the type of gal who is scared of bugs. I catch fireflies with my son let daddy long legs roam free on my hands I even took B and S to the bug zoo where live spiders hung freely from the walls. But I don't like water bugs! I hate them they freak me out. You think they are dead, that you smashed them, when they get up and make a desperate dash at your feet. They are just ick!

This morning when I got into work one of the teachers rang the buzzer when I went to let her in all I heard was help. I walked to the door and there was the biggest the meanest looking water bug I had ever seen. He even had a little motorcycle jacket and a switch blade. That bug was out for trouble.

Putting my brave face on after all B and S were watching me I grabbed a broom and while squealing away like a little girl I whacked the life out of that bug. I stopped and of course the bug made a dash for me. I nearly fell over my son pushing him out of the way of the blood thirsty 2 inch monster. I smashed him again this time he was bug putty there was no way he was getting back from that one. Until he pulled himself out of the goo and ran at me again and then fell in a heap by my feet. I scooped him up and as the other teacher and I screamed I dumped him outside.

Walking back inside glowing with bravery my son turned to me and said, Mommy water bugs wont hurt you why did you smoosh him? Suddenly I was filled with guilt maybe that bug wasn't so bad. Maybe the little switch blade was being used in defense. Maybe his leather jacket was just a fashion statement and not a gang thing. I... I didn't smoosh him.. I lied...he's fine he's just sleeping. No mommy said B solemnly you killed him! He shook his head and slowly walked away.

Nothing like a little morality lesson first thing before coffee.

Lies My Mother Told Me

My mother was a quick thinking woman who came up with some good lies on the spur of the moment. These are my two favorites:

Mouse Mattresses. When I was little I found a maxi pad. I asked my mother what it was and she told me it was a mouse mattress. That at night mice would have a nice place to sleep if they wandered into her closet. We still call them mouse mattresses to this day.

I was bought from the grocery store with Green Stamps. When I asked her where babies came from she told me I was bought from the supermarket with green stamps. When I found a book of new ones in her draw when I was around five I went into a tail spin thinking we were getting a new baby in the house. She calls me Suzie Green Stamps now for my middle name.

I hope to be as creative and quick in the lies I tell my children. I have some big shoes to fill for sure.

I don't think I will have any Internet access this week but I will be posting daily (thank you post scheduler). I'll be sure to respond to all comments when I return next Monday.