Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Dinners at Out House

My hubby and I have been guilted into starting family dinners. We frankly never did it before cause its just awful and we'd rather enjoy our dinners alone. But everyone says family dinners promotes family bonding, supports brain growth, stops cancer blah blah blah. When I think of  family dinners I think of those Pillsbury commercials where everyone is smiling at the wonderful meal mom has cooked.  They all sit happily around the table and eat whats served in front of them and talk happily about the  day.

This is not family dinners at my house. First off all family dinners seem to involve going to the potty about 50 times during the course of the dinner first one goes then the other. Then my Hubby goes apparently sitting at the table for dinner is a diuretic. 

As I proudly serve my dinner which I lovingly cook after after a 9 hour work daydreaming of my happy grateful family being nurtured and nourished from my hard work everyone groans: 

I don't want to eat it.
 Can I have peanut butter instead?
Can I only only eat one corner? 
Look I'm like that guy on Bizarre Foods who eats the slugs I tried it twice. I still don't like it can I have peanut butter now?


Then my loving, bonding, brain growing family starts fighting: 
I can't eat cause he farted.
She touched me!
He almost touched me!
She's thinking about touching me!
Aided by my hubby, "Gee I love family dinners what a great idea!"

Finally everyone settles down for about 2 seconds as I ponder the wonderful family togetherness we are creating and then the little one starts to wander. Its not intentional but its like the seat is  made of some type of spring which ejects her from the seat every 2 to 3 minutes. She leaps around not eating but effectively knocking things over while the older one wines that he should be able to wander too. 

My son begins to slide down on the floor and my hubby rests his head on his plate in despair. 

The table is covered in spilled chocolate milk lots of half eaten foods and tears and everyone gives a loud cheer as the signal is finally given to clear that table. 

I'm pretty sure our family couldn't sell a crescent rolls to save our lives? 







10 comments:

MommyNamedApril said...

you're back! hope all has been well :-) family dinners are definitely taxing. but also telling, it's funny the things that come out when we're all around the table!

Mama Pajama said...

depends on what the crescent roll is seasoned with... : )

Chimera said...

I swear to God you need to invite my Mum over for a few sessions. I give it three and your little darlings will be using cutlery and chewing with thier mouths shut whilst hadning around the salt. (Hysterical 'brain growing' family! Keep it up! Its great stuff...the writing not the suppers. Maybe with those you should introduce wine...)
T xxxx

Chimera said...

I swear to God you need to invite my Mum over for a few sessions. I give it three and your little darlings will be using cutlery and chewing with thier mouths shut whilst hadning around the salt. (Hysterical 'brain growing' family! Keep it up! Its great stuff...the writing not the suppers. Maybe with those you should introduce wine...)
T xxxx

downhillalltheway said...

Put the tater totz in the toaster oven and crank up the TV. Then you come over here and we'll have a martini and watch reality TV!! (it's Catherine, btw)

Anonymous said...

Catherine you are so on!!Thanks Mommy named April its good to be back.

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Aunt LoLo said...

Oh, man. I hear ya!

But...feeding everyone all a once is the fastest way to get the job done...oy.

Forgetfulone said...

Here's the link to the girl burning her hair video that I talked about on my blog. http://youtu.be/LdVuSvZOqXM

Raine said...

Yeah, family dinners are hard. I make my kid sit with me even if hes not eating. Oh, he loves that. His seat is made out of springs too! :D

 
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