Thursday, March 7, 2013

The TEST

There is this test they give kids in third grade. Not one of those little pop quiz things were all the kids groan and have to take their books off of their desk and take out their pencils. One of those:

 OH MY GOSH YOUR WHOLE LIFE DEPENDS ON THIS TEST IF YOU DON'T PASS YOU'LL BE HOMELESS AND LIVE IN  A CARDBOARD BOX FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE TESTS!

My poor boy thought school was fun until he hit spring semester at school. He was no longer having his curiosity peaked and finding out all about the world and his place in it. No, now he was in a pressure cooker from hell!

My husband thought it was best to be low key about it. We would joke about it, lovingly telling him the test didn't matter and that if he failed "Which of course he wouldn't" it would be fine and he would only  immediately burst into flames the minute his pencil hit the desk. And then we would laugh , ha ha ha ha.

But as this dreaded thing has gotten closer its gotten less and less funny. Everything is geared to to test. And although I am anti high stakes testing (something that's been a subject in my professional life of my research and publishing) I find myself saying things like you better make sure you have a period on the end of that sentence it'll be on the test, your'e not planning to sit like that for test are you? THE TEST is now not only an event it is a living and breathing thing that lives in our apartment throws it clothes on the floor and eats the peanut butter straight out of the jar with unwashed hands. 

We have tutors, computer programs and handouts all to battle the test we plan around it we worry about it. This test is a monster. I know I'm not alone in this. My work mate has a third grader too. We plot we plan how to handle it. I think I spent less time planning for my wedding then we have figuring out how to pass this thing (and I had a big Jewish wedding). 

I got a note home the other day from the Chancellor of Education he said how wonderful the tests were. How not to panic even though this is the first time they administered these new things and they'd be tested on things they hadn't taught yet. He said I'm sure it'll all be fine.  After all there's always summer school. 


Really Mr. Wallcot? Really? Then come to my house Mr. Wallcot  cause this test is not only driving us all insane its hiding under the bed scaring the cat, hogging the internet  and is peeing on my floor. 


8 comments:

Chimera said...

You would have got an A plus on this but I see you missed a couple of comas. Y x

Suzie said...

Damn I'd never pass 3rd grade

Mama Pajama said...

wow, really? I could care less. they've been practicing for them, and my kid doesn't do so well because they take them on the computer and are bo-o-ring! but I know it isn't so much a measure of his success as it is a bar graph to measure the teachers/administrators ability to jump through hoops to secure their meager scrap of rapidly dwindling state funding...

I give my kid that level of grief on his everyday homework, though, because goddammit, he's in 3rd grade, now, he should know that periods go at the end of sentences

Raine said...

Wow. sounds really intense! Especially for third grade?

Mama Pajama said...

I had to come back and read it again, I loved it so much. maybe the school board should read your blog. : )

Susan Shapiro said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Julie Maloney said...

You just scared the crap out of me. My son is in second and was just diagnosed with a learning disability. I hope they take that into consideration!

fromthe1980sarchive said...

I spend all my time undoing The Test at the college level...

 
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