Wordless Wednesday

This is what happens at my house when I leave the room for 5 min:

Cooking and Me

I don't know what my problem is of late but the whole cooking thing is not working out at all. It all started out a few days ago I thought I'd make a wonderful Indian dinner for my honey.

After slaving over a hot stove for hours (o.k it was those packets you put in boiling water but still) I decided to cook some poppadoms up . I put them in the microwave and of course the minute I did the screaming began. Lately any time I turn around its like a debate about the second amendment on Facebook. I ran to the kids room to untangle my sons hands from my daughter's throat when a thick black smoke began to fill the apartment.  I ran to the kitchen where I found the poppadoms were not only burned but were black.


My daughter turned to me and asked "Is that dinner" I nodded opening the windows to air out my fragrant meal and then she asked me with all sincerity, "is this my punishment?" 

I'm not really sure what she's being punished about but if she has to eat those papadums it must have been pretty awful.

You know cooking and I are not friends. However every once and while I get inspired and I do a big pot of chili or stew enough for about 4 meals and freeze it. The  problem is I never label anything and serving up a big plate of "Umm Brown Stuff" does not seem to please the masses. So now I just call everything "chili".

So last night I thawed one of the frozen unnamed brown things and discovered it was a far cry from chili . It was cholent!  I don't know if you've ever tried cholent but its this type of yucky stew Jews serve up on the Sabbath .

A few months ago my son really wanted to make it and as my Unlce Frank has a good recipe  I decided to make it with him.   After working on this thing for over four hours it ended up looking like this:
Yes it has eggs in the shell in it. It's supposed to. However
one of them burst so it had little pieces of egg shell all through it.

I thought I had gotten rid of it all the disastrous cholent. I swear I threw it out but that cholent is a survivor and there it was in all its glory all thawed out and in the pot.

So being the great mom I am I threw some hot sauce on it  and called it chili.
And they ate it...at least it wasn't the poppadoms

I Quit!

I don't want to be overly dramatic here but its finally happened I have reached my Mommy breaking point.
After breaking up the 60th fight of the morning, dressing both kids and turning around and finding them completely nude,  wrestling with my daughter to get some medicine in her only to have her spit it back out over my shirt, I have reached the end. I quit!



 I announced it this morning and both kids looked at me with their mouths hanging open, "Yes you heard me I quit find a new mommy!"

At first they kind of laughed, then when they saw I want smiling they got a little freaked out.

I then announced it to my husband and told him he needed to find a new mommy cause I was done.

I got on my coat and my hubby looked at me with horror in his eyes. "Not really right?"

"Really" I'm done. "Maybe he should think about posting an add on e-bay cause I quit!"

Friday's Rant

I love NYC isn't that what all the tee-shirts say?  Well I gotta say I just don't! Its dirty, expensive the people are mean and there always seem to be some kind of a disaster. Hurricanes, terrorist attacks, the day the whole city smelled like maple syrup (which you know was some strange terrorist attack created by Jenny Craig or Weight Watchers to give us all a diet crisis.) just to name a few.

Now I know a water main break is not a disaster but its sure is icky.

Yes today we have a water main.  Water pouring in the streets but none in the taps. The news keeps harping on subway troubles but come on really no water how yucky!


Any NYC disaster brings out all the crazies.  When I went to lunch 20 min ago people were camped out on the sidewalks with gallons of water drinking it like they had just run a marathon. People were asking strangers where the water went and would it ever come back again. Some very tall crazy man wearing a tiara  and child sized purple rain coat with Dora on it  was walking down the street yelling "Prepare yourselves for the end of days there is no drinking water in the city! The lord will take us all!!"

And speaking of lunch I didn't bring my lunch today so since there's no water how is everyone washing their hands? And I work in a daycare so think about all the diaper changes done each day with no water to clean up butts or hands ick!

 And while I'm eating my contaminated sandwich I now remember that everyone uses my keyboard.   I'm as always I'm eating and typing oh ick ick ick. I'm probably getting some illness that will cause my fingernails to turn blue and fall off and my eyes to turn into gooing orbs of fire.

And don't get me started on the whole toilet thing cause in just a few hours it will no longer be known as the big apple but as the stink apple or the apple filled with unflushable poo.

I love NYC? Not really, not today, sorry. Yuck

Sympathy And Belly Buttons

 

I realize I usually post about the harrowing experiences of motherhood but yesterday I had one of those sweet aww moments that I thought deserved recognition.

Little S is sick she was sent home from school with a hacking cough and slight fever. We had spent the day watching every kid movie ever made; Puss in Boots, Shrek, Barney Searches for the Wreck of the Titanic, Diego Makes Calamari With Some Cute, Bug Eyed, Squid He Doesn't Rescue. If  they made it we watched it. Anyway it was around 5 or as I like to call it the hour when all children hit the wall and start to freak out, when I gave S a bath. In the bath S took a long look at her navel and suddenly announced in horror "My outty is now an iny!" and promptly burst into tears.

I took her out of the bath and explained it was ok all bodies changed. Causing her to only cry harder with those big sobbing bursts only a sick, totally unreasonable, child could make.It was at that point B came home from Hebrew school.  He went up to his crying sister and gently asked her what was wrong. S relayed her grim tale shaking with grief for the belly button that once was.

B pulled up her pajama top looked at her traitorous navel and asked her to stand up and suck in her belly. Slowly choking back tears S did as she was told and looked down. The button protruded and looked an awful lot like an outy.

She cried in joy and threw her arms around her big brother. B then went over to his back pack and produced a coloring book and gave it to her saying, "I got this for good behavior but I think you need it more than I do." She smiled up at her hero with love and devotion in her eyes. I paused and took a mental photograph of the wonderful, empathetic, little boy I had helped to create.

Then B farted and they both started laughing and running around the house like a cat on roller skates with a bad case of gas.

It's been so long

I know I know where the hell have I been? Working parenting blah blah blah. I have forgot about you old blog old friend when something happened this weekend that made me remember why I love you so.

It began Friday night when it started to snow. I went to the drugstore and the kids were all tucked in bed when B asked me to come back with some snow. So I did what any good mommy would do I wrapped my frozen fingers around the whitest spot I could find and brought it home. The kids were thrilled. B grabbed a handful and proceeded to eat it. Some of you folks in places other than NYC might think this is fine but in NYC all sorts of badness can be in that snow. Crack viles, dog pee, you name it its there.  That's is why we have a firm no eating the snow rule in our house.

Anyhow within about 15 min B found the filling in the pinata- rock salt. I don't know if you know what happens when you eat rock salt but it ain't pretty. The kid began to puke and puke like a foul smelling chunkie fountain. It was so bad I had to leave the room lest I join him.

Within two minutes of stopping he ripped off all his clothes and began to run back and forth across our apartment screaming in naked glee.

He grabbed his sister dragged her across the floor while laughing in delight. I finally cornered  him in the bathroom and tried to talk him down. He turned from me and with a giant push he shoved our glass shower door and it smashed into pieces filling the tub with broken glass. 

It was then that I knew the blogging must continue.

Wordless Whatever Day It is

It was Little S' birthday today


In Order to stop her brother stealing her thunder certain measures needed to be taken.



It didn't work

Where have all the cribs gone

Since we've gotten rid of the crib its like a free for all in my house. You think its quiet. You think you can finally sit down have a little drink, watch TV when you hear it. At first you think its the neighbors. Maybe a little mouse. But no its worse its the distinctive sound of little feet. It's (gasp) my kids!!! Its like now that the crib is gone the cage has been opened and the animals at the zoo are running free.

My son is stealthy little a little ninja. One time I went into the bathroom and closed the door before seeing him flush against the wall. Silently watching me. Sometimes at night I have the horrible feeling like something is watching me. I look up and there he is. Black rimmed eyes like the boy in the grudge staring at me. Waiting to ask me if Michael Jackson had ever gone to the moon to learn to moon walk or why fish never blink when they clearly have water in their eyes. Its eerie and frightening.

My daughter is less stealthy. She's like the Godfather in pigtails demanding goldfish and strawberry milk. She wanders the halls bumping into things and humming the Wonder pets theme song.

Its getting so I can never trust a moments peace I know that at any minute my children may enter. I may never be able to watch a show that is not rated G again -just-in-case. Why cant they make a crib with the bars on the top so her mommy can have a little drink in peace. Is that so wrong...

And Here It Is

Wow. Today by mistake I stumbled across my blog. Its been so long since I've seen it. Its not like I haven't thought about it. I do all the time. I write entries in my head while Im laying in bed or while Im bathing the kids or changing a diaper. I even wanted to post the picture of Little S's first poop here for wordless Wednesday but somehow it never happened. Between work and the kids I barely have time to brush my teeth. You know the story blah blah blah

I am resisting the urge to go back and read all my entries. I know this parenting thing its been a hard but sweet road and life is never easy but to read it all laid out like this is very strange. Its like reading your old diaries. It always end up with a sick feeling in the pit of your stomach and an empty bottle of wine next to you.

Instead these days I amuse myself with writing a status update on Face book. It seems like all I can manage these days. I post things like Someone Pass the Cheese Wiz and I feel like I said it all. I mean that is profound but there is something about bloging I miss. The feeling of laying it all out there for people to see. To reflect on if I ever get that chance.

Ive got so much to say and so little time to say it. Even now this is a stolen moment I should be working. I should collating something. But it feels good to say hello again. Ive missed this and I hope it wont be months until I come back again to say hi and take a moment to breath.