Friday, June 12, 2009

My Own Little Panic Attack

Today is B's preschool graduation. Not only is my little boy graduating but I as director I am helping run the thing.

Last night as I sat on the couch watching I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here which is now my favorite show on TV. (I mean seeing Janice Dickinson steal granola bars and urinate in camp has to be one of the most brilliant forms of entertainment ever created.) I began to wonder what dish I should bring to the graduation should I order a pizza or make empanadas?

It was no longer a simple choice it was THE choice. I found I could no longer breath. My heart raced. I began to mumble pizza no empanada.

I mean kids love pizza right and grown ups love empanadas the choice was staggering and before I knew it I was hyperventilating. I knew if I didn't make the right choice the empanada demons would take over the world and the pizza that I ordered would have saved all the inhabitants of earth. My husband turned to me and with a wild look of concern on his face. I clutched at my throat and gurgled pizza.

Yes I was having a full panic attack over what to bring to the graduation.

You would think with the state of the world today fiances being what it was I would find something sensible to have a panic attack over but no, being the overachiever I am I decided to go full panic out on graduation.

Honey my Hubby assured me I will bring the food calm down its all gonna be fine.

No I gasped its not its not

And before I knew it I was boo-hooing over little B going to kindergarten. My little baby leaving his mommies school and going into the big public school. I saw tests and bullies and detention in his future and began to wail. My hubby grabbed the vodka and assured me he would be fine and keep repeating he would order the pizza.

After a big cocktail and some onion dip visualizations I was breathing a little easier as Janice climbed into a glass cage filled with alligators.

I might be ok now but don't blame me if your day is cut short by wild hoards of empanada demons. You've been warned.

18 comments:

Queen of Pith said...

I thought I was bad trying to figure out how I am going to get cheese and crackers that are different from all the other cheese and crackers that parents from my daughter's preschool class are supposed to bring. Pizza? That is easy girlfriend. Get a grip. Now cheese and crackers is HARD! I mean, what kind of crackers and what kind of cheese? I was thinking port wine, but for kids? Should I just get Cheeze Whiz and get it over with or would the kids run wild with the Cheeze Whiz and I would be the mom who ruined graduation because their precious little kids got all cheesy before pictures were taken and I ruined their moment! ARG! Come on woman! I can't breathe....

MrsM said...

It's so hard when they get older! Monkey is also kindergarten-aged (if we weren't homeschooling he'd be enrolled next September too) and just the thought makes me throw up in my mouth a little.

Hang in there =)

Queen-Size funny bone said...

my life seems like a bowl of cherries compared to what poor Janice is enduring. lol

honeypiehorse said...

Even with the current state of the world, life goes on with its little concerns. Your husband sounds nice. Cocktais are good.

adrienne said...

Aw, it's never really about the pizza...you and B are gonna survive kindergarten...

That TV show is a train wreck but I love it.

Susan said...

Imagine being so out of your element that you are stealing a granola bar and not even thinking about it being on camera. I'll bet Janice would take either one right now.

Not Your Aunt Bea said...

Just reading the first sentence made me inhale fast. Wow. He's going to be a kindergardener. When did that happen? It is going to be so hard to have him at a different school with older kids versus being with you as the king of the hill. Congratulations, I am sure the ceremony will be nice and he will be so proud. I know you are.

Erin, Nick and Merrick said...

Agh- I will need your big cocktail recipe in a few years when Merrick is there.......

namaste said...

am i the only one who thinks janice sucks?

thank goodness for hubby stepping in to help.

as for your anxieties about your baby leaving the safe cocoon of your school environs, they are well founded. but he will be fine.

wow, kindergarten. whew! you are at the very beginning. good luck!

;)

Helen said...

Only YOU could make "I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here' sound attractive ..... again, a masterpiece of a post! Now, order that pizza ... AND make those empanadas too. I love them!

Kate Coveny Hood said...

Oh my god - "onion dip visualizations" - that is hilarious.

Tina said...

you know i really dont like janice :0

i used to watch the programme but i think they have made too many now and ive gotton bored lol

thanks for stopping by my new blog mate

Veronica said...

At least I now know what those tiny little things nibbling at me all day were. Empanada Demons!

Chimera said...

Whats an empanada? What's wrong with little vodka jellies and tequilla icecream for all? Yeah Ben!!! Congratulations!
love
T xxx

tiff said...

What is an empanada?

It's hard when the kids grow up. Am not looking forward to the time I am seeing Ivy and Noah off to big school. My heart may just break.

I just have hugs for you because I think I would be in a panic too.

Rebecca Ramsey said...

I love this post.
Bless your heart. Keep watching the show and know that everything will be okay.
I'll have to tape it for when Ben goes off to college in a couple of years!

MoziEsmé said...

Thanks for the warning! That is a tough decision, especially when you're already dealing with a baby growing up... Stay calm - you'll make it! :)

The Mrs. said...

how is it that we hope, pray, wish that they would just get older and do a little something something on their own and then as they grow up it causes us angst and turmoil?

And I must not be a grown up cause I'm clueless as to what an empanada is. But pizza. I got that down pat.

 
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