I Hate My Scale

Its official I am obsessed with my scale.

Its a love hate obsession kind of thing. It sits by the side of my toilet mocking me calling to me. It says weigh yourself you know you want to. I resist its evil call NO I think I will only weigh myself once a week but each morning I give in.

I get up strip down and step upon its silver footprints. It lies says one weight, them another. I reposition my feet hoping to see that first weight the lower one. I stand on one foot then the other I turn around and yet it lies again telling a completely new weight a bigger one. I know I would stand on my hands if that would help.

It laughs at me.

Ha ha says my scale. You are my puppet I will now pull your strings. I try to break away I put the scale back. The next thing I know it is out again and I have moved it to a new location one where it will surely tell me a skinnier weight (yes, I remember now this is the skinny place) and it does briefly before once again flashing an entirely new weight. I get upset and prepare to step off when it flashes a weight completely unrelated a goal weight it knows I long to see.

Yes I think Ill take that weight.

I put the scale away. Get the kids dressed drink some coffee and find nature calling me. As soon as I finish I see the scale calling me again.

Come on it beckons you must have lost a few ounces at least. Now you'll get to see what you really weigh.

No I think this is crazy. I will not fall for your erratic numbers I am too strong.

Before I know what has happened I am naked again staring at the digital read out hoping to see a dainty weight
my high school weight
he weight of Kira Knightly after a very large sandwich.

Instead suddenly I find I weight three pounds more.

Disgusted I step away vowing tomorrow I will not be your fool you evil scale. But as I close the bathroom door I swear I can hear evil laughter.

And The Cow Goes Moo

Work once again is getting in the way of my blogging. Its not like its fun work things like going to the zoo or eating ice cream. Nope its annoying stressful work things. Who would have thought the world of early childhood would be as high stress as it is. Someday it is down right cut throat, high stress unpleasantness.

Its not like I am working in a roller derby where you are aware the other gal in the ring is mean and ornery and wants to knock you on your butt.

Its not like I am a pirate in search of gold and treasure knowing one day my looting and pillaging may to a public hanging or mutiny.

Nope I am an early childhood administrator. A gal who turned her back on the glamor of the stage (Yes, I was once a cow on Broadway. You should have heard my heartfelt mooing. The reviewers just loved me.) Instead I shunned all of that and focused my life on trying to help families and kids.

And I gotta tell you some days I think I need hazard pay. I suggested turning the filling cabinet into a relaxation spa with masseuses and a harpist or a small beach resort to help deal with the stress but unfortunately that seems a little hard to budget (would that fit under office supplies or misc).

But I have lots of faith in Wednesday. Its gonna be better than the last few days. It has too otherwise I am going to invest in a new cow costume.

Guess Who I Saw

I had so many blog plans toady. I was gonna write about a party I had where many of the people in attendance I recently re found via facebook and how strange and wonderful the experience was. I was gonna write about how Little B watched Bolt and freaked out and wandered the house in fear of some red eyed girl for 24 hours. But instead I had an experience this morning that knocked it all out of the water.

Getting B out of the house this morning was not easy. I felt like a record on repeat (for those of you young ens a record is a black piece of vinyl with music etched into its grooves used in ancient Rome). I said B get you glove B get your gloves until it sounded like BGETOURGLOVES BGETGLOVES BGEGL...... So we left the house and not only did B not have his gloves but neither did Little S. S was crying and B was chanting that his hands hurt. I stopped the stroller to stick my gloves on them while yelling at B he should have brought his gloves when I look up and who do you think is staring at me?

KATIE HOLMES!!!!

Yup Tom Cruise's wife is staring at B with a big smile on her face. I stared and turned bright red and tried to pretend I was not just yelling at my children. She waved at B and walked away.

I think I am a celebrity now by association. Soon I will have paparazzi chasing me down. Can't a girl even go to the store without all the flashbulbs? I will say. Soon Ill be wearing big dark sunglasses as I make my way down the red carpet.

Yes Katie Holmes and I shared something special...not sure what but it sure was exciting.

Sometime I just love New York.

An Infomercial of Lies

Last night B was on a screaming jag. For some reason he was very worked up that the water next to his bed that I had just poured was not fresh. So he sat in his bed crying and screaming at the top of his lounges scaring the poor baby out of her skull. I offered to change it for him I offered to have him change it. I held him I rocked him. I yelled I threatened but to no avail.

So my hubby and I sat in the living room listening to the screaming trying not to freak out while playing with the TV volume so we could hear anything above the ear splitting screams. When suddenly we heard:

Are your children making you crazy?
We both turned drawn to the magical voice on the TV

Do you feel like you are living in a battle zone?

We both nodded in unison. Eyes wide

Are you sick of the back talking, arguing? Do you wish you could just have your sweet child back?

Yes Yes ! We chanted

We have the solution to bring peace back to your family again.

We grabbed each others hands nodding and smiling. Yes they have the solution it will all be OK.

Just call 1-888-badkid

Before I knew what I was doing I had grabbed the phone. I dialed I knew would do anything they said military school, join the Moonies or shave my head. Heck I'd even launch him into space.

Hello you've reached 1-888-badkid are you ready to bring peace to your home?

We are! We shouted. We Are!

Are you ready to be friends with your child and stop the shouting and end the threats?

We are! We are!

So how old is your teenager?

ummm..4

Oh umm this program is for 12-18 year olds.

...damn.

..probably couldn't afford it anyway

Sick But Skinnyish

I'm back.

Sorry I've been a way so long but once again I've been sick.

My throat was filled with puss and I felt just awful. But I'm OK now. This has been a strange winter. I'm the type that never gets sick and now twice in almost 30 days I am laid up with just gross awful sicknesses. Nothing major just the kind that lands you flat on your back for a good week.

I hate being sick. Housework doesn't stop and the kids seem to need more attention than normal especially if you cant lift your head off the pillow. Hubby was great and really helped out but still.

However there are a couple of really good things about the winter germs. The best part is I lost another 10 pounds! Two illness later I am twenty pounds thinner. I was thinking about getting my own site and adverting loosing 20 pounds in 30 days through the www.rentmygermykidsforaday.com. Since I've poured through all of my sick days for the year I'm going to need the extra income if anyone else decides to get sick this year.

The other good thing is I have lots of good fodder for the blog. In my head I've been blogging away. Boy I was witty and insightful I had 45 comments. I think I won a few awards and was nominated for something. It was great.

So I hope you all haven't forgotten about me. If I could have sat up I totally would have been commenting away on your bloggs. I'm going there now and I promise I have some great insightful...OK I promise to blow you away with my witty wise ....Ok I promise to do the silly word recognition thing on your sites and try it at least twice before I give up and storm away.

Keep healthy

Its Not Fair

I'm so sick.

I am unable to function. I'm not sure why I'm here at work maybe just to spread the germs around so they wont be lonely.

I think we should start charging tuition for germs as they seem to spend more time at school then the kids do.

I know I should have called in sick but everyone else did.

So here I am spreading my germs. Unable to talk. Wanting to lay on my bed and Watch Big Love.

Sometimes I really hate being a grown up.

My Own Little Typhoid Mary

Its been some weekend. Everyone has been sick. Our little typhoid Mary otherwise known as Little S has been spreading her sea of germs wither and yon. One cough and she has spread her plague throughout the land. She herself seems to be fine expect for the pool of green snot that is constantly collecting below her nose.

My husband is the worst off. A little kiss snotty from his cute little baby and he has a full blown case of bronchitis. She leaves him laying in a ball moaning in pain.

I thought as a long time daycare director I could not be effected by her germs. I've gone years without so much as a cold. But little did I know that S has super germs capable of stopping a rhino in its tracks and cause it to spontaneously develop a serious case of pink eye. So I too have been effected. As I sit her now I am fighting giving into the throws of a flu she has given to me with her snotty sweet little hands.

Little B isn't much better although his illnesses seem to be shorter in duration then his grown up counterparts. However the whinnying created from the short lived illnesses are enough to drive even the strongest to his knees. Cries of MOMMY I WANT AN ICE POP NOW!!!!! I DON'T FEEL GOOD I NEED AN ICE PACK!!!! WAAAAAA!!! Seem to do more damage than little S's plague ridden hugs.

I've considered putting her in a bigger version of one of those hamster balls to help protect us for her evil germs. I even considered a suit made of plastic wrap and helmet. But I think at least for now we must accept the fact that our darling little daughter is really a germ factory waiting to infect us all.

Tales Of The Toilet Seat

Yesterday I went to the gym. Before I went out on the floor I thought I would stop and have a potty break. (Yes it is that kind of a post) I opened one of the stalls and was greeted with a toilet seat covered in pee. Yuck, I thought how gross. I shut the door. I opened the next stall and was assaulted by yet another pee pee covered seat. I went to the next and the next all the toilets were covered with the stuff.

I wonder how something like that happens. How do women who are designed to sit upon a seat manage to pee all over them? I doubt a man snuck into the women's locker room just to pee all over the seats. My four year old could be responsible as he has some terrible aim but as far as I know he doesn't go to my gym (unless he is doing so behind my back) so that rules him out.

Perhaps a women is trying to perfect peeing her name in the snow and is trying out her technique in the women's locker room on all of the toilets.

Maybe a giant pee monster escaped from the monster jail and is getting revenge and mistook the women's locker room for his captors home.

Whatever it is that peed all over the toilet seats in the locker room I must say I am impressed. If it had just hit one toilet I would have shrugged it off. But to hit all six shows it has some stamina and a very large bladder.

Good for you super bladder creature! Good for you!

Wisdom According to B

Since many of you did not appreciate the intellectual debate on Blues Clues. And many of you claimed not to watch Blues Clues at all due to silly reason such as not having young children and the like. I shall resort instead to child spoken wisdom. Although it breaks my heart not to include any references to children's show references or post any Sportacus pictures.

So this is for you my Blues Clues deprived bloggy friends:

You can never have enough chocolate milk

Mommy is not old (my favorite)

Grandpa is not 72 he is 4 years old

Jumping on the bed will solve everything

People live in the TV they are very small though

Its not picking your nose its just stracting the inside of your nose which is totally fine.

When you die you get up again a little bit later and you are OK

The two invisible cats with rainbows on their tummy's are responsible for all broken things

But the most important wisest thing ever said is....

wait for it....

You must wash never wash your bottom with a wash cloth before you wash your face.

Truer words have never been said


So sue me. I had to. He's just so cute

I Think Youre All A little Sick

I am disturbed.

Last Friday I posted a picture of this man:

Sportacus.

As you know I love Sportacus. I get it maybe he's not every ones type even though in reality he looks like this:
Ah huh yeah...


But I was amazed. Yes, I will go so far as to say I was shocked concerning the conversation about Blues clues.

How could so many of you pine for Steve? When he has been replaced with Joe

Just look at this beefy guy. He's cute funny and he looks good in a sweater.




Where as Steve is umm Steve.


Now many of you said I need to get out more. That may be true. Maybe its a little sad to be debating who is hotter Steve or Joe. Maybe it takes a sick mind to fantasize about Sportacus while my kids hit each other with blocks.

But at least we are not debating Franklin


vs

Little Bear



Now that would be sick.


Although Little Bear would totally win hands down

Must Be A Kid Thing

As it was a long and whiny weekend I made sure the kids went to bed on the early side. I think the bed time is a bit too early for B but he can play as long as he doesn't wake the baby or leave the room.

Last night after about an hour I checked on the kids and saw this:

Warning: This is a reenactment. B does not becomes green and rips his shirt when angry. Well at least not in the past two months or so.

There was B playing happily.

About an hour later I heard a thump.


When I walked in I saw this. He just played until he fell.

I tried to imagine that happening to me.

Oh blogging is so much fun. Wordless Wednesday Weee!!! Cant wait to post this Barbie photo..zzzz

I love standing in line for the post office. This is so great. Must get additional postage...zzzz

This is the best sandwich must put on mustard please pass the mayo...zzzzz

Nope. Must be a kids thing.