Monday, December 15, 2008

Hi Im Cindy

Let me begin this story by telling you I am not normally an angry person. I can take a lot before I blow. But sometimes someone so annoying and so perky hits me like silk wrapped nails on a black board. Sometimes someone comes around who is so horrible and so caustic I would rather be locked in a small car with two kids who suffer form extreme motion sickness and recurring gas.

This is the story of one of those people. Let call her

CINDY

My story begins in the gym. As you know I gained about 15 pounds on vacation. So I was working out as hard as humanly possible without breaking a real sweat after all this was my lunch hour I needed to go back to work and no one likes a sweaty office pal.

I was reading OK magazine and I had a people tucked away for later so I could find out why Tom Cruise really jumped on that couch when suddenly there she was

Hi!

I looked down from my stair master and she was CINDY. A 20 year old skinny perky beast with happy little boobies and a scary over sized smile. She was pure evil and I knew it. CINDY was trouble.

Hi I'm Cindy It said again have you had your personal training session yet this year?

I looked down at her perfectly bouncy hair and her sassy little smile and tried not to scream in terror. I tired to ignore her pretending to care about Posh Spice's new not ever eating diet but I could feel her eyes burning into my skull.

Hi Cindy. I said trying not to show it my fear. I've heard they can smell fear from a mile away. I'm not really into that kind of thing. I have two small kids and this is the only time I have to myself to read and think but thanks.

I opened my OK magazine and tried to concentrate on Britney addiction to vanilla lattes while hoping some brave knight would appear and save me from the CINDY. But I had no such luck she was on the loose and I was face to face with the beast.

Hi! She squeaked again. You know working out with a personal trainer could really help you control some of those problem areas.

The terror was overwhelming. Please I thought go away CINDY go away!

Instead I took a deep breath and summoned my courage

Cindy. I'm not trying to be rude but I really look to forward to having a little peace and quiet at the gym. Thanks but I'm OK.

I could feel Cindy's eyes traveling over my body. I knew she was sizing me up maybe thinking how I would taste with a little holindaise sauce.

But have you met your personal work out and weight goals this year?

And that was it. CINDY may have been one scary 20 year old perky perfectly conditioned personal training demon. But I was an almost forty year old Mommy of two. I think I could take her if I had to. The anger broke free and the Mommy monster was on the loose.

Listen CINDY I am about 30 pounds over weight I have the neck the size of a tree trunk. I said spitting my venom in her direction I am still fighting baby weight and I fit into nothing. But the question is do I want to work out with you. You 20 year old teeny tiny person who is named CINDY and wont leave me alone in the gym? No CINDY I don't so please back away CINDY before I blow a big fat gasket and roll you in sugar and eat you as a snack.

She took a deep breath smiled. The tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife.

OK but if you change your mind look for me. The names CINDY.

I'm still shaking

24 comments:

Debbie said...

You have me laughing out loud. You should have just taken her down - right then and there. We would have all been cheering for you.

Rebecca Ramsey said...

Ooh boy.
Such cluelessness.
I love the waiting room at the doctor's office for the very same reason. I get there early just to sit by myself and read the junk magazines. Such a pleasure.

Cat said...

Oh my god, that was horrifying. Can she not take a hint? Jesus, she's lucky you didn't snap her perky ass in half.

Pink Ink said...

That was one funny story!

Thanks for your kind words on my blog :-) See you when I get back...

Kate Coveny Hood said...

You didn't REALLY say all of that! Poor little Cindy.

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

Don't worry. Cindy's time will come. Age and baby fat don't discriminate.

TattingChic said...

WOW! Cindy is an idiot. She's very talented at alienating people in just a few sentences. Not exactly a good way to build up a clientele, wouldn't ya say!?!

Queen-Size funny bone said...

That happened to me years ago. every time I went someone approached me. Yhen one day Cindy ersion approached and asked if I would like to take advantage of the trainer. I looked at her and said do you bring snacks? her face dropped and she walked away.

Tay said...

her and her perky breasts were pretty stupid to think that her tactics were going to work on anybody.

Valarie Lea said...

" before I blow a big fat gasket and roll you in sugar and eat you as a snack."

I was laughing so hard, I was crying and someone just stuck their head in my office to ask if I was ok!

This one was good!

autumnesf said...

But it could have been worse! She could have been 40....

Susan said...

Oh, Sweetie, this is the funniest post ever. I am so tickled over this. She sounds like the main character in The House Bunny, so cute and not a clue as to how her words are being received (as in, chewed up like a rawhide bone by an angry dog). Not to worry, you will get back in shape...in your time and on your terms. Take care.

Kmommy said...

Oh hilarious! But so completely out of control annoying!!! Grrr! You should have just slapped her with your magazine. I just hate those kinds of perky "helpful" people.

Chimera said...

get the silly bint to do your workout for you. it will keep her busy and away from you and you can read more important celebrity bollocks (mm you know how much i lurve celebrity bollocks) We don't have 'cindy's at my gym. We have British people who stand around in green t-shirts looking bored and teenage and spotty. They get really pissed off if you demnded they help you with bar bells. ' Can't you do it yourself?' Brits eh?
T xxx

adrienne said...

Thanks, I never know how to get rid of those people!

Michele said...

You handled it better than I would have. Keep a stock of snotty replies handy in case she bugs you again.

Veronica said...

It's the perkiness that makes you want to rip their head off. If they weren't so goddamned perky...

Erin said...

Oh man. The thought of Cindy makes me want to hurl. I bet she can stop at only one chocolate during Christmas time. I just drank an entire carton of egg nog in nearly one sitting.

docgrumbles said...

You are my hero!

Ali said...

Go you. You did well. I am very anti-confrontation and if something crops up like this I get all shaky too. Bloody adrenalin.

I secretly get around wishing large baby weight gains on condescending skinny young women in years to come. They'll get theirs.

Vered - MomGrind said...

I'm so sorry you had to deal with CINDY.

Hugs.

April said...

I have a clueless co-worker. I can relate.

April said...

CINDY needs to get a fucking clue.

Mark said...

Cindy seems confused! I hope your day today was awesome. YOU deserve it!

 
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