Friday, December 19, 2008

10 Reasons Why My Coffee Maker is Better Than My Husband

I know it is not right to create a list about why my coffee maker is better than my husband. Its not politically, morally or socially correct. In fact only a real sicko would create a list stating why their coffee maker was far superior to the father of her two children. Bad Suzie bad! So with that in mind:

10 Reasons Why My Coffee Maker is Better Than My Husband:

  1. He always knows what I want
  2. Every morning he is there steaming and hot
  3. He can cook (well making coffee counts doesn't it)
  4. He never complains about anything, ever for any reason
  5. He never asks me how much I spent on that
  6. He never throws his socks across the floor with wild abandon (OK he has no feet but you get the idea)
  7. He never ever leaves used tissues in his cups when he is done with them -you know how important this one is to me
  8. He never looks at my meatloaf with sadness in his eyes
  9. He never pees on the toilet seat
  10. (This is my favorite one!)I CAN TURN HIM OFF!
OK I cant stop:
11. He smells good
12. He never disagrees with my parenting techniques

Now this is getting scary:
13. He doesn't pick his toenails
14. He doesn't snore
15. He kisses like a pro
16. He is the sexiest coffee maker in the world!

OK now Ive crossed the line...I'm sorry...I am so ashamed

30 comments:

Ali said...

My husband is also inferior to your coffee maker in m any ways. If I find a coffee maker to fulfill the remaining functions, I'll let you know.

Cat said...

Dude, I have got to find out what kind of coffee maker you have. Mine sucks. (and not the good way)

Kristin H. said...

Oh Suzie (shaking head) Suzie, Suzie, Suzie...you poor dear....

But the question is: does your coffee maker feel the same way about you?

Rebecca Ramsey said...

You are hilarious.
I had to go kiss my coffee maker after reading that, because IT'S SO TRUE!

And, in answer to your comment, you must watch the video when you get home. Who can resist cats singing Hava Nagila and Greensleeves?!

Ronnie said...

You're cracking me up! Crossing the line is good. Next up! Our friend the toaster! Thanks for the kind comment about my insane race car painting. It was a toughy! Now go have a cup of coffee.
Ronnie - in a small town in Georgia

Chimera said...

I once had a long relationship with a toaster..and look at me now. Be warned.
T xx

Tay said...

i'd have to agree, but my husband just cleaned all the snow off of my van this morning. and i don't drink coffee... but it sure does smell wonderful!

TattingChic said...

LOL!

Brooke said...

Ah Suzie, you are so funny, but I too enjoy seeing my coffee maker every morning. By the way, just for your personal enjoyment, I will be adding more Hanson songs for you to crank up in the morning while you drink your coffee! ;)

Erin said...

I didn't know a coffee maker could be sexy!

adrienne said...

I love my coffee maker but I might just have to steal yours.

Mama Smurf said...

Man. Mine is just incredibly noisy and messy and leaks when I need a lil sump'n. (my coffee maker...not my man)

Marilyn said...

Ok, I can do this too......
Why my T.V is better than my husband
Why my hair dryer is better than my husband
Why my Mac is better than my husband
Why my dog is better than my husband

I could go on but I won't : )

Vodka Mom said...

Should we form a support group? Cause I am SO in!!!

Not Your Aunt Bea said...

Too funny! Brightened my day! You are silly.

Not Your Aunt Bea said...

Too funny! Brightened my day! You are silly.

Queen-Size funny bone said...

You didn't need 10 or more to convince me.

Vered - MomGrind said...

You're so funny. :)

April said...

I can think of about a thousand reasons why my coffee-maker is better than the girls' dad!

Michele said...

Great post!! You are so fucking hysterical.

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Debbie said...

You had me at the not peeing on the toilet seat. Great post.

Jae said...

Absolutely hilarious!! I love it!! You are feeling the topic. :) Thank you!!!

April said...

LMAO, #15 is awesome. haha!

Connie Weiss said...

My new coffee maker doesn't sleep constantly when his parents are visiting!

This is the best list EVER!

Kmommy said...

Hilarious!! I am so with you on all that ;)

Kmommy said...

but wait a second... have you actually been kissing your coffee maker??? ;) If you have been... you may need some help ;) I hope you have a really fancy coffee maker.

Misty said...

Funny! Funny! My coffee maker let me down a little this morning. Concerning #8, he did dribble a little on the countertop this morning. Proof that perfection just doesn't exist!

The Mrs. said...

quite frankly the doesnt pick his toenails is enough for me. that seals it up, your right the coffee maker is sexier. And i hate coffee.

Tina said...

this coffee maker sounds really good lol !!

 
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