10 Reasons Why My Coffee Maker is Better Than My Husband

I know it is not right to create a list about why my coffee maker is better than my husband. Its not politically, morally or socially correct. In fact only a real sicko would create a list stating why their coffee maker was far superior to the father of her two children. Bad Suzie bad! So with that in mind:

10 Reasons Why My Coffee Maker is Better Than My Husband:

1. He always knows what I want
   
2. Every morning he is there steaming and hot
   
3. He can cook (well making coffee counts doesn't it)
4. He never complains about anything, ever for any reason
5. He never asks me how much I spent on that
6. He never throws his socks across the floor with wild abandon (OK he has no feet but you get the idea)
7. He never ever leaves used tissues in his cups when he is done with them -you know how important this one is to me
   
8. He never looks at my meatloaf with sadness in his eyes
   
9. He never pees on the toilet seat
10. (This is my favorite one!)I CAN TURN HIM OFF!
    

OK I cant stop:
11. He smells good
12. He never disagrees with my parenting techniques

Now this is getting scary:
13. He doesn't pick his toenails
14. He doesn't snore
15. He kisses like a pro
16. He is the sexiest coffee maker in the world!

OK now Ive crossed the line...I'm sorry...I am so ashamed