Friday, October 24, 2008

It's True I Hate Her

Each time I walk past the five year old classroom in my school I am greeted with a large plastic pink thing sitting a top of coats and papers. It sits silently mocking me. Making me rethink who I am and the choices I've made in my life. Its sits and says yes I am all you will never be or have. It is...you guessed it... Barbie's cruise ship.

Barbie's cruise ship a large plastic monstrosity full of boating fun that makes me fight the green eyes demon each day. Barbies cruise ship, the pink boat that says you work over 40 hours a week you budget you scrimp you save but even if you win lotto you will never have your own cruise ship .


Today I walked past that pink boat from hell and I gave it a little shove just a small one. It tipped the boat of lost dreams just enough so I saw her. She was naked with matted hair, covered in stickers and green marker laying atop of an old stuffed monkey. It was Barbie battered and abused and clinging to that ship as though her life depended on it and I knew I may never have a cruise ship but at least I have my dignity...well...(I thought pulling the stickers out of my hair and noting the snot stain on my shirt) ... at least I didn't have to do it with a dirty old monkey to get a stupid boat.

37 comments:

Kristin H. said...

I wanted the Barbie Vette. And a date with GI Joe.

Ren said...

ROFL!!

I had a funny comment to make, but my mind just died...gotta love 2am wakeup calls.

Thanks for the laugh today!

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

I kind of detest things that make me think of who I am and the choices I've made. And now I detest that ship that makes you too thinky.

And speaking of thinky, I've gone serious today. Got a tragedy of education post on my humor blog. But there is a picture of a cute guy to appease some of my readers.

Rebecca Ramsey said...

Barbie's got nothing on you. That plastic smile she always wears...I feel sorry for her, really.

Erin said...

Why is it sitting there? Was it someone's show and tell? Does the ship need to "accidentally" get lost at sea?

Valarie said...

Dirty Old Monkey, he probably promised her the moon. Now she is just a stickered green shell of herself.
:(

Brooke said...

so funny

Vered - MomGrind said...

Yep, at least we have our (partial) dignity. :)

Kate Coveny Hood said...

You're very right. I don't think I could sacrifice my dignity to a dirty old monkey.

m said...

Have a nice weekend! :)

adrienne said...

Someone needs to go to the big pink plastic rehab clinic.

Susan said...

I used to look like the Barbster, and I call my hubbs "Monkey Man", maybe there is hope for her .

Queen-Size funny bone said...

Barbie is a misfit and spent years in therapy trying to find her true profession while all along obsessed with her plastic boobs. sink that ship!

the teach said...

Suzie, I've always hated Barbie! Next time knock the ship off the desk and we'll pretend she went down with it to Davy Jones's locker! :)

Kmommy said...

LOL!!! I would have just loved to see you do that! I rue the day my little B asks for a barbie!

Debbie said...

I would have loved to have seen you take out your frustrations on Barbie as well. She can look pretty sad naked and with matted hair.

Chimera said...

i love this post. Somehow rather moving...poor Barbie. Shame. A sumation of our present world...until Obama that is!) However what I Hate is the person moaning about 13 comments.. because normally, NORMALLY, thay get BILLIONS! You comment tart you! My last post got 12 and I nearly fainted.
Love as per flecked with spittle of jealousy,
Your Cuz

honeywine said...

I don't get the Barbie fascination. Never have.

Vodka Mom said...

that was great! Loved the post.

Reluctant Housewife said...

That is so funny. Stupid Barbie, anyway.

Heather said...

After spending the entire morning frosting a pink Barbie cake, I kind of hate her too.

Heather said...

Hey Suzie, send me an e-mail and tell me how you got that cool slideshow thingie for your awards. Pretty please?

April said...

who's wants to pay for the upkeep on a cruise ship anyways? bah. no thanks. i'll take a couple margaritas on a dingy any day :-D

Veronica said...

Oh I'm giggling now!

tiff said...

I want to know how Barbie walks with that top load. Her back must kill. Imagine also, what is gonna happen when Barbie gets old. Nanna undie tuck ins, anyone?

Ali said...

Thanks. That made me laugh.

WillThink4Wine said...

Well, in fairness, Barbie probably never saw snot. Just Saying. hahaha!

kari and kijsa said...

Oh how we wanted that Barbie dream house with the elveator!! But when Ken drob=ve off in Barbie's vette with a brunette...we were glad we were in our own lives, our own world!! Great post!
Happy Saturday blessings
kari & kijsa

texasholly said...

OMG. That is great. I guess it does prove that even a big pink cruise ship can't buy you happiness...unless being naked and covered with stickers is the definition of happiness.

forgetfulone said...

That last sentence really cracked me up!

Madge said...

that barbie. i think her life is really very empty despite her seemingly endless wealth and perfect body..

Mrs Parks said...

That really put my life in perspective for me.
Thank you for the naked Barbie dirty monkey analogy, I needed that.

Cat said...

I always knew Barbie was a dirty tramp!

Debbie said...

I love this post. I actually have a Barbie post in the queue ready to go one day that was inspired by this. Not as good as this - just inspired by it. Thanks for playing along today.

anglophilefootballfanatic.com said...

I'm over from Debbie's and I understand your hatred of the impossibly dimensioned one. I always wanted that 3 story dream house.

afiori said...

lol - I really, really like this post! :-D


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Jannie said...

Ha! How perfect.

(Barbie is relaly nice, tho in her movies.)

 
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