Thursday, January 22, 2009

The Meatloaf From Hell

I cook just about every night. When we had no kids I would cook once a week. It was a big event. I would buy a great cut of meat research new and exciting recipes and create a romantic and wonderful meal. Since LAK (life after kids) I cook most nights. I have a rotating bunch of recipes that are quick and easy and everyone seems to like. But one night a week I make my meatloaf. When I make my meatloaf I am greeted with comments such as:

I hate this!

This is yucky!

Oh no not meatloaf!

My Hubby smiles but when he sees my meatloaf his eyes go dead. Its as if my meatloaf has sucked the soul right out of him.

Why you may ask do I make this pathos inducing meatloaf? I guess the simple reason is its easy and we can all eat the leftovers the next day. (Yes there is two days of soul sucking meatloaf night.)

I guess the other reason is I HATE COOKING EVERY DAY!!!! Maybe I am secretly punishing everyone for making me cook after a long days work. Why is it my job? Who made me the cook cleaner and everything else? Maybe someone else who doesn't make the meatloaf from hell weekly should learn how to cook.

So in order to spread the evil specter of sadness that is my meatloaf I thought I would pass along my recipe.

Suzie's Soul Sucking Meatloaf
1 pound of clinically depressed ground chicken
1 small sad little onion
1/4 of a cup of heartbroken red pepper
1 lonely egg
lots of despondent ketchup
plenty of dejected bread crumbs
and a good dash of grief stricken worcestershire sauce and some pensive soy sauce

Grab and knife and sigh be sure to suppress sob as you chop and saute the onions and peppers
slap everything in a chipped and ugly bowl (be sure to mutter under your breath as you do this)
knead slop with hands while complaining bitterly about cooking
put into a greased meatloaf pan while shaking head and slowly with feeling
top with ketchup, bread crumbs and some Parmesan cheese
add tears if available
cook at 400 for 20 min
use time to mutter and complain quietly
put in broiler to crisp top for last 10 min
serve while hot and despondent

Watch the soul sucking fun begin

36 comments:

Ren said...

I think this is the best recipe I've ever seen!! =)

Tay said...

hahaha! Love it.

Meatloaf isn't my favorite thing, either. I'm a big stir fry fan, though. You should try it over couscous. The downside is that you have to chop a lot of vegetables. But it's filling and oh so good for you and i only season it with garlic, chopped onion (bigger pieces) and soy sauce. So easy, no?

But honestly, you have an amazing meatloaf recipe. lol

IB said...

Hilarious! Again!

LuckyMe said...

Very cute! I don't understand this bashing of meatloaf. It's just a big naked meatball.

I actually prefer it leftover and fried in the pan with some leftover fried rice until everything's crispy. I'm coming over.

The Mrs. said...

i havent tried ground chicken, I usually use turkey. I add spinach and mushrooms and a big packet of the mccormick meatloaf mix, almost everyone will eat it.

Debbie said...

I don't know if I am worthy of a soul sucking recipe. That much power in my hands could be very risky.

honeywine said...

Have you tried ground turkey sausage instead? Even my burly redneck brothers will eat it that way. And, the ground turkey sausage from Jennie-O is under $2 a pound tube! The extra seasoning makes all the difference.

Kristin H. said...

You forgot the self loathing. That really kicks it up a notch.

honeypiehorse said...

Wow. I'm totally impressed. I kinda like meatloaf but what an achievement to make it look so evil!

Erin, Nick and Merrick said...

Good for you!
I stopped making meatloaf due to the eye rolling......
: )

Kmommy said...

HaHa!! Strangely everyone around here loves meatloaf. When I was a kid I *hated* meatloaf! But strangely enough, I totally crave it when I'm pregnant!

Cat said...

I love meatloaf, but Gray hates it. So I invented variations to the standard recipe: bacon cheeseburger meatloaf and pepperoni pizza meatloaf. They sound gross, but are pretty darn good.

onebrick said...

That sounds really good, but it would lead to more than just soul sucking at my house. My daughter has some weird sensitivity to chicken (we think it's the chemicals the birds are fed) that makes her barf not too long after eating anything with even a bit of chicken in it. She can eat organic chicken, but refuses out of fear.

I'll just have to file this away till she's grown and gone.

Queen-Size funny bone said...

Good old mystery meat...

Vered - MomGrind said...

Thanks for the recipe. :)

My two cents: of course you hate to cook every night. You shouldn't. We sometimes do a "make your own burrito" dinner, or I make quesadillas, or tomato soup with grilled cheese sandwiches.

So essentially, we have "lunch food" for dinner at least once a week.

Kate Coveny Hood said...

That is taking passive agressive to a whole new level.

Not Your Aunt Bea said...

Ha ha ha! Your meatloaf from hell is my tormenting agonizingly excruciatingly painful tuna noodle casserole that wages war in our home for 3 long torturous days! Glad to know I am not alone.

Sarah said...

This is HILARIOUS. I love the whole the thing: the recipe, the pain, the punishment, the sweet weekly revenge!

It's great. Thanks.

My Wonderful Men said...

That picture is scary, but if you could get it to look like that A+ on your part.
I was going to make meatloaf one night real soon but I maybe I'll hold off for now. I hate to hear those words too - I hate this and yuck! Or did you burn this it doesn't look right???

Susan said...

When we were kids, they used to say to each other, "don't let your meat loaf". Ahhh, do they still say that?

kari and kijsa said...

LOL!!!!!
Just catching up on our blogging...stopping by to say hello!
blessings,
kari & kijsa

tiff said...

LOLOLOL.

I love it!
Soul sucking meatloaf all the way from USA.
You know, my kids'll eat anything that comes from America.

Urban Panther said...

Knead slop with hands ... I rarely allow enough time for the meat to completely thaw, so it ends up with knead umcomfortably cold slop with hands.

My mother used to make meatloaf on a regular basis, and it was dreadful. I am sure we all took on the same looks as your family. However, I actually like my meatloaf. No idea what my mother did to hers. I suspect she enfused it with her I Hate Cooking Everyday attitude.

Whereas, I only cook once a week or so. Helps having a former chef for a boyfriend.

adrienne said...

Aw, my family would love your meatloaf! Although I confess I used to fuss a lot more over cooking til I realized they'll eat anything.
Loved your recipe.

Heidi said...

That is hilarious. That's pretty much my mom's meatloaf recipe too, and I think we reacted the same way. ;) I made pizza meatloaf the other night and my family couldn't get enough of it! But my favorite is bacon and potato topped meatloaf- it's a lot of prep work but OH so worth it! :)

Rebecca Ramsey said...

Too funny!
I love sad little onions.

KayFour said...

Very Funny blog. I stopped by for the first time, today.

Mark said...

LOL! Have a fantastic weekend!

WillThink4Wine said...

I think my friend already has this recipe. It's one of her 4 things she 'cooks'. It's especially awful when she occasionally decides to microwave it, for extra soul-sucking. Her husband actually says "What are you destroying for dinner tonight?"

Heather said...

I like meatloaf, though I've never had it made with ground chicken before.

I would like to see more recipes written like yours. It would make cooking a lot more interesting.

April said...

you are hilarious!

and OMG you should NOT have to cook every night!!!

Chimera said...

utter soul- enhancing genius! Hysterical!
tanvi xxxxx

TattingChic said...

LOL! You are a hoot! It takes talent to write a humorous post about meatloaf! WHere on earth did you find that frightening picture?

forgetfulone said...

About a year ago, my daughter asked me to never make meatloaf again. I didn't think I overdosed her on it! But, obviously, there's things she'd rather eat. Like Ramen. LOL

Marilyn said...

Sounds great, I'm in!

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