Wednesday, January 7, 2009

My Appliances Are Revolting

It began quietly enough first thing in the morning blurred eyed I awoke poured myself some coffee from my lover..the coffee maker. The one I trusted and loved sometimes more than...others in my household. When I finished I rinsed out the carafe and wiped it and before my eyes my trust was shattered as the carafe broke around my hand. Although I was unscathed a little piece of my heart broke too.

Little did I know this was the beginning of the revolt of the appliances.

Next it was my radiator. My mean hissing ugly radiator. It waits for the warmest days and then turns on full blast causing us to switch on the air conditioner in the dead of winter. It chokes us with its stifling dry heat it bangs it rumbles. It is evil and it wants to suck all moisture from the air. I know it plotting waiting biding its time to get me.

Then it was the oven. My reliable little range. I went to turn on the gas and was struck in the eye by a flying knob. After searching my postage stamp kitchen I finally found the culprit. I felt victorious but it was only the start. I turned on the oven and inserted my meatloaf. I thought I could see a twinkle in the gas ranges eye but I chalked it up to the flying handle. 30 min later I checked the meatloaf and to my horror and dismay it was cold and raw. I switched it to the broiler not willing to be bettered by my oven and the whole broiler draw came apart in my hands.

I am scared. I know they area all out to get me. I'm not sure if I can even trust the toilet anymore.

30 comments:

Kristin H. said...

Mercury turns retrograde on January 11th. Blame it on that. Or maybe it's karma for professing your love of your coffee maker over your husband. Or just bad luck.

Ali said...

You must simply refuse to use the kitchen until further notice. At least then you won't have to cook.

Annie said...

Ditto on the refusal to cook. That's just too dangerous for you!!!

Debbie said...

Appliances are evil little beings that wait until our guard is down and then come after us. Be very afraid.

Erin, Nick and Merrick said...

If they are talking to eachother its all over!

Cat said...

Be ye wary of the blender.

April said...

I echo the others - no more cooking!

onebrick said...

I discovered your blog right after Christmas and have enjoyed your posts. You make me laugh every day!

I wouldn't trust the toilet...it'll get you where it hurts.

Erin said...

How frustrating! Did your warrantees JUST run out? It's almost like they knew...

Valarie Lea said...

Leave get out now!!! I think you have gremlins......

Vodka Mom said...

The title of this made me laugh out loud. Then I pictured you DODGING a small tiny knob. and THEN, I laughed even more when I realized you were cooking meatloaf. Yeah, we had one last night. Except MINE was cooked.

themommykelly said...

sounds like sabotage to me! Sure you haven't been sleepwalking AND contemplating going on household task strike of late?

Tay said...

the kitchen must be yearning for the hubs to cook, rebelling against you as its only means of communicating this.

WillThink4Wine said...

I bought my house 3 years ago this month. I had to replace the Central Heat and Air unit 3 months later. A a year later I had to replace the stove, the over the stove microwave and the dishwasher.

Last year my septic tank backed up on Christmas Eve Eve 6 hours before my guests were due to arrive!

Last weekend my water heater started acting up - the only major appliance I haven't replaced. I got away with elements this time.

I need a new roof and my siding is rotting.

I think my house hates me.

::sigh::

forgetfulone said...

Now that's scary - not being able to trust the toilet! Thanks for your kind thoughts about my mom's surgery.

Heather said...

Even scarier than the appliance revolt, is having to deal with the appliance repairman. Yikes.

Susan said...

Ahhh, reminds me of the Thanksgiving my kitchen ceiling fell in. Yikes!

Not Your Aunt Bea said...

Did your warranties just expire? That's when all of ours go on protest.

Madge said...

that's what happens at our house -- one appliance goes and the rest just follow.....

TattingChic said...

ROFLOL! Oh, you are SOOOOooo funny, girl! I hope that you find a way to show them that mutiny is not allowed in the S.S. Postage Stamp!

Chimera said...

I am in agreement with some of your prevuous commentators....pizza and chinese food are good for children.
T
p.s. sorry about coffee maker but it gave you its all...

Ren said...

I hope they end their revolt soon!

Kmommy said...

:( That sucks! Of course its never just one thing!

adrienne said...

There are a few things in my house that are revolting...
Not quite in the same way.

honeywine said...

Oh please don't let the toilets revolt. I'm imagining some sort of French Revolution situation only far browner.

MamaGeek @ Works For Us said...

Why is it, when it rains it POURETH! Oy.

Colleen - Mommy Always Wins said...

Just watch out for the fridge! That's one big (MEAN) appliance!

The Mrs. said...

doh you had to mention the toilet! Its going to go now you know that!?!

My toilet let me down the other day. The lid just snapped right off. It doesnt seem like much but you cant have an open toilet with little ones running around.

Urban Panther said...

It is a proven ... okay, well documented fact, that household appliances talk to one another. The Leader says "I'm going to break now", and the next one says "me too", and the third one says "I going in" and the fourth one ... well, you get the idea.

You must re-establish your dominance. It's the only way!

April said...

boo on mean appliances :-/

 
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