Tuesday, August 26, 2008

To All the Jobs I've Had Before

Since Labor Day is coming up I thought I would do a tribute to some the wonderful jobs I have been fired from though out the years. Please take my hand and join me for this wonderful trip down memory lane where you're fired is more than a catch phrase.

I was an ironing girl where I worked in a dank windowless basement with a hot press. I was surrounded by women who looked like life had just sucked the souls out of them all. Oddly enough I loved this job. I loved seeing the wrinkly clothes get nice and smooth. I loved it so much I sang. Yes I sung show tunes at the top of my lunges and apparently unless you are singing one of those galley songs from Ben Hur the soulless troupes who inhabited that basement just didn't like it. They glared at me with their beady red eyes wincing at the light I brought to the basement with my cheerful tunes. I mean who doesn't like to hear Oh What A Beautiful Morning at 7am? .....they didn't so I was fired.

I was fired from being a go-go girl. Yes, I danced in a night club. (Slutty huh?) We were told to dress in skimpy clothing so I showed up in a full dress that went down to my ankles and up to my neck. I danced like a goth (I was pretty darn gothy at the time) waving my arms wildly and putting my hand to my forehead in mock gothy grief. I thought I was being sexy but apparently I was being just sort of strange so ...yup I was fired.

I was also a coat check girl. I worked at a fancy theater. One night in the middle of the allergy season I got a terrible nose bleed. It was the end of the night and hundreds of patrons came rushing out to get their coats. As I handed an old lady her fur coat the tissue I had shoved up my nose to stop the bleeding came loose. They thought I was making a statement for Peta I was actually making a statement for Clariten. So by by coat check girl.

Thank you for joining me on this trip down the lane of jobs I have lost. You may ask, "Suzie are you ashamed? Being fired is pretty awful." No I say No! I will continue to hold my head high and say yes I have been fired not once not twice but a whole bunch of times and yes they were pretty awful job to begin with. But so what? What makes you so great? Who do you think you are anyway? Sigh....

22 comments:

Rebecca Ramsey said...

You crack me up.
And what a list of jobs! I love show tunes too! I would have sung along!
My weirdest jobs were guillotining mice in an AIDS research lab (that wasn't all I had to do, I also got to keep inventory of all the radioactive chemicals. Woo hoo! How could I pass that job up?) and digging eighteen inch holes in cornfields. I think I would have rather checked coats.

Vered said...

Ironing is strangely satisfying, isn't it?

A go-go girl. Wow. I'm IMPRESSED!

My Wonderful Men said...

It's always interesting know what others did before. I think the go-go dancers is kinda cool.
I wondered if I could've ever done that. You know had the guts to pull it off. I probably would have shown up like you in a dress that was from chin-toes.

Kristin H. said...

"Making a statement for PETA." That's pretty funny.

Ren said...

A go-go girl, Very nice! Another wonderful post to brighten my day!
I think the most interesting place I've worked is in a diagnostic lab, I checked in the specimens that we received. We got some pretty neat stuff in. I can say I know what an infected gall bladder looks like. ^^

Kate said...

I think you have the best resume I've ever read!

forgetfulone said...

Gosh, you crack me up! Really? An ironing lady, a go-go girl, and a coat check girl with a nose bleed. That is quite a variety of jobs! Wait. Are you old enough to have been a go-go girl? You're just a spring chicken!

Valarie said...

A goth go-go girl!!! Oh my goodness, now thats a visual :)

Marilyn said...

I was hired to sell mobile homes and showed up for work on my first day and began setting up my desk. Pictures of family, plants and office supplies when the manager came in and informed me I hadn't passed their "personality" test and would have to LEAVE.
Can you believe that!
I bought a brand new pair of panty hose for that job but didn't have the "personality".
Whatever.

If you miss ironing, I could Fed-Ex you mine, I wouldn't mind if you sang while you pressed : )

Mark Salinas said...

Hilarious...good stuff. Very impressed! :)

Queen-Size funny bone said...

I wouldn't iron no matter how much they paid me or even if they let me sing the entire show of Grease!

Heather said...

Good heavens! What a resume.

I feel so boring now.

Madge said...

the go-go girl story cracks me up. i can't believe they couldn't see through your creativity? what kind of people go to those clubs anyways? oh. oh, never mind...

Brooke said...

Oh how I wish I had more interesting jobs! I pierced ears for awhile, but that isnt all that interesting.. and I never got fired. Boring! I have an obsession with the lawn being mowed and haircuts. I love to watch them get shorter. Weird.

honeywine said...

That's so unfair. Well, except for the goth go-go dancer thing. lol That was pressing it. ;)

Vodka Mom said...

I was never hired to be a playboy bunny when I auditioned in San Diego. But, if I HAD been, I'm SURE I would've been fired.

MamaGeek said...

Hands down, that ironing gig without windows is almost TORTURE. TORTURE I tell ya!

Donnetta Lee said...

What a sense of humor you have! I'm glad I found your blog. Made my day. I've had some pretty crummy jobs and pretty crummy bosses. Glad they are being me now! Also, thanks for stopping by the 55er blog. Come see me at My Write Hand. I've been really busy and only writing 55ers but will try to get with another story soon. I'll come back!
Donnetta

Tales From the Eurovan said...

I think the Peta statement is absolutely hilarious! I'm sure it grossed some out though! Too funny! I'm here in NYC and loving it! Tomorrow we're headed to Mamma Mia and then the US Open.
Take care,
Julie

MizFit said...

O
M
G
I had no idea there was a gig such as an ironing girl.
how swiftly and far will I fall in yer estimation when I proclaim I own no iron. never have. wrinklecity up in herre!

Miz.

Chimera said...

That is funny! I just did a job blog too without even knowing...spooky!
Gogo girl..You miss bits out on that story...(teee hee)
Did you get my stuff?
T xxx

April said...

LOL - you and I could probably spend a whole evening together just breaking out in song :)
The coat check story is too funny.

 
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