Friday, August 1, 2008

Who Needs Sleep Anyway

I am very very tired. S was up at 4am to watch early morning infomercials and have a little sip of boob juice. Afterwards she stretched out let go a big fart and went back to sleep.

I climbed back into bed with an hour and half left to sleep and thoughts of the super vac and bow flex in my head and started to drift back to sleep. Suddenly I felt a hurricane of wind strike me from the side. My hubby's c-pack mask (a device for people with sleep apnea that causes a high pressure of air to go in ones nostrils to control breathing) came loose. I yelled above the rushing air "Honey fix your mask". He gave me a thumb up sign and fell back asleep. I pulled myself against the torrid of air and tried to adjust the mask myself. Finally I got it.

I curled back up and closed my eyes and again was hit with force of wind knocking me against the head board. Apparently he had turned over and pried it loose. I yelled "Honey please the c-pack please." Again the thumbs up sign and no move to adjust anything. My hair whipping in the wind I crawled across the bed and stuck my fingers in his nose. He woke up horrified. "Your C-pack" I stammered "please". He rolled over furiously and stuck the mask back on.

I laid back down again. Ahh 45 min left to sleep. If I could just SLURP SLURP SLURP...... Yes my neurotic dog had started licking his butt and whoosh the air hit us both knocking me off the bed and into my already crazy dog.

Needless to say I am very tired and we are now the proud owners of a Time Life collection of 80's love songs and 32 bottom of the foot detox patches.

24 comments:

We are THAT Family said...

See, Suzie? I knew we were kindred spirits. My hubby sleeps with the same mask! There should be a club for the wives. I've even threatened to post a picture of him in it on my blog. It's scary, as you know.

But it keeps him alive.

Get some rest!

Kristin H. said...

My dog licking herself drives me insane. Gratefully, she redirectable.

Queen-Size funny bone said...

I love it...I don't sleep at all most nights and it is a toss up between buying things off the tv or watching all the sex commercials. soon I will run out of money and will be stuck watching the sex stuff.

My Wonderful Men said...

My hubby doesn't sleep with a mask but snores up a storm, hogs the bed and talks in his sleep. And our little dog sleeps with us who also hogs the bed for such a little thing. The two big dogs that are on their last legs cough all night sleep in our room oh and they run in their sleep making noise all night long.
In the mornings my hubby can never figure out why I'm crabby and why I couldn't sleep through the night.
I feel your pain, really I do.
Amy

Heather said...

My husband has one of those machines too. I find it very disconcerting when he talks to me with the mask on...he sounds like Darth Vadar! Still, I'd rather have that than the buzz-saw-like snoring that I lived with before!

The Laundress said...

Oh the visual.

forgetfulone said...

I WISH my husband would get the CPAP mask! Then again, after reading this, maybe not. I don't get much sleep, either, although for very different reasons.

Once again, you crack me up! I love the way you write down daily stuff and make it entertaining for your reader friends.

honeywine said...

My sister tried those foot thing. They looked REALLY nasty after being used. Ick! But she did say she felt better and more energetic.

Veronica said...

Sleep is for the weak anyway. I thought you knew that!

Vered said...

I HATE sleepless nights.

:-(

Madge said...

sleep is so over-rated. listen, in five years you can get some sleep. ok, just five years. what's five years?

Rebecca Ramsey said...

I feel for you.
I have no babies anymore but I live in a family of sleep walkers. And by sleep walking I should really say sleep runners or sleep screamers or sleep gymnasts. Whatever they're dreaming about, I get to experience! They've jumped over couches, yelled at me to call 911, and sang in a high falsetto (my 6foot 2 husband. That was funny.)
I could do with a less interesting nightlife.

I always enjoy your blog!

Heidi said...

that makes me dread the mask! My husband has a mouthpiece right now to see if that helps enough, but the next step is the mask and I think he may have to get it.
i'm right there with you watching the infomercials. I DVR tons of shows just so that when I'm up with the baby I can watch real shows! :)

ksd said...

I've thought for some time my husband needs the MASK -- but after reading your story -- I think I'l let him continue to stop breathing periodically! He thinks he sleeps fine - who am I to disagree?

Andrea said...

4 am, huh? We've had a couple early wake up calls like that around here...thankfully not TOO many though!

Kate said...

I should get that mask for my husband... I don't know if he needs it - but that puffing noise he makes all night makes me want to put a pillow on his face and sit on it. But I just settle for poking and saying "roll over" 20 times a night.

We just got back from a vacation at the beach which my youngest son thought was a special week for sleeping in my bed. That will have to stop now that we're home. I'm not willing to wake up one more morning before 6 a.m. with someone jamming a finger up my nose.

Brooke said...

oohhh! my husband has the same mask! I am seriously wondering if seperate sleeping quarters are in order for us!

Chimera said...

Once poor old insane dear dog is rehoused you will have a spare small space to sleep away from sleep apneated husband! You will get your own bowl too! You are lucky lucky lucky!
Love
Cuz xx

The Mrs. said...

you are a better wife then I.

I would have disconnected the machine... necessary for life or not that sucker would be gone.

MommyWizdom said...

I'm so sorry about the sleepless night... Not only was your post funny, but the comments too. I hope you got more sleep over the weekend.

Tales From the Eurovan said...

I found your blog at We are THAT Family. Very funny. I can relate. We lived in the Bronx for 3 years where my oldest son was born. The neighbor below us would bang on his roof at the slightest noise my son made. I thought I would go insane. Any time he woke up I would pick him up, so he became a horribly light sleeper. We moved away when I was pregnant with our second. My kids are now almost 4, 6 and 8. I feel your pain with the lack of sleep. Take care, Julie

MamaGeek said...

Sleep. What is that again?

Oy. I feel ya.

MoziEsmé said...

Sounds like a lovely night! Here's to squeezing in a few naps!

The Girl Next Door said...

oh you poor thing i aqm beyond bear without sleep. and i have trained my dog to stop licking my screaming "STOP" and somehow she knows what i mean....

 
template by suckmylolly.com : background by Tayler : dingbat font TackODing