Please Sir May I Have Some Sleep

Today I am frazzled and sort of miserable. I was up again every two and half hours. I woke up and thought my life is just falling to pieces but then I thought maybe I am just delirious from no consecutive sleep. I mean I am sure they use this sort of torture in Gantanimo Bay. I keep hoping someone will come and offer me a full nights sleep but it never happens. Even on the weekend everyone gets to nap but me.

Last night I was sitting at home after a full days work with my kids. S would cry every time I got up. B was hungry. The laundry needed to be put away so did all the dishes. The dinner needed to be cooked, diapers needed to be changed, baths needed to be given. The dog needed a walk the apartment was a mess and I was alone and supposed to do it all. Somehow on top of this I am supposed to lose 40 pounds be well dressed and get it all together to run a school every day. I was just so overwhelmed I wanted to cry.

I'm not sure how people do this. I read blogs all the times of women who overcome horrific odds, run a family and work smiling all the time. I feel like I am barely holding it together most of the time and counting down the days to what I do not know. I love having my baby. I love holding her soft sweet smelling body next to mine. I even love the little squeak she does as she poos. She is more wonderful than I ever imagined she could be. I love my son so much I can barely breath. I love hearing his silly stories and watching his goofy dances. I love his gooey kisses on my cheek. I wouldn't trade them in for the world. I know I am lucky But hell I am so exhausted and overwhelmed I've never worked so hard in my life and I am a very hard worker. I hope I hope it gets easier or I figure out a better way to deal with this all.